Cake For You

It's is time.

2009-06-04T23:58:00.004+08:00

It's finally time. After this post, i wont be updating anymore. off to serve NS and disappear for 2 weeks.

mm. thanks everyone for your well wishes. Thanks for everything.

before I go.

i dun think you'll see this soon anyway. But i'll still type it here i guess and hopeing you'll soon see it..

victoria:

thanks for believing in me.

thanks for loving me.

thanks for the things that you've said

thanks for the assurance.

thanks for the reassurance

thanks for the tolerance

thanks for being you

thanks for choosing me.

thanks for tolerating me.

thanks for everything.

thanks for helping me.

thanks for giving me a chance.

thanks for your support

thanks for your time

thanks for your efforts

thanks for your understanding

thanks for being there

thanks for all the fun times

thanks for everything.

thanks for forgiving me.

thanks for giving me another chance

thanks for the new start

thanks for the Arcueid plushie

thanks for everything.

i have never regretted being with you. i honestly do love you and i wan to carry on loving you. because, i dun wan to be without you.

take care.

don't worry about me.

i love you.

always.

good night.

1 more day.

2009-06-03T23:34:00.003+08:00

Planetarian - 慈しみ深き

Just finished this game this morning. It's really really touching and i dunno.. Just kinda hit a nerve or something. Can't help but to feel sad whenever I listen to this heavenly piece of music. It's really a great Visual Novel. well, a kinetic novel to be exact. It's a one route visual novel. Broke down while playing this game to the end. Haha..

Mmm, just 1 more day of freedom before I actually do enter. I don't know what to feel really. Quite mixed up inside. Sadness, happiness, confusion, fear, loneliness, nostalgia and many more. I dunno, i really dunno. How can I just put a face and say everything's going to be fine. i really dunno. i really dunno. i'm just.. doubting thing again.

honestly, i've never felt like this in ages already. but i guess, times to time yea? sigh.. feel like breaking down already. at the thought of losing my freedom, of not being able to do whatever i want whenever i want, losing my lifestyle, not being able to see -you-, not being able to talk to -you-, not being able to be with -you-, not able to be with/hangout/talk to everyone else. I'm afraid of losing all these i guess. The times that i held so dear to me. i dun even know what will happen in the future. will i get to see everyone again? will we ever hangout again? i really dunno. i guess that's why i'm afraid and being such an idiot. sigh..

i guess thank you everyone again for everything. hope that in the future we'll see each other again. someday. ahaha.. sigh.

thank you for everything. guess i'll be leaving for 2 weeks very soon. sorry. for everything as well. aha..

And the song above from Planetarian. The original lyrics are as follows.. it's from a Christian song. Lyrics as follows. I guess that is why i find it super familiar. haha.. with that, i'm gone...

for -you-: wait for me. i'll be out in no time i guess. sorry. for making you wait.. mmm. take care.

Lyrics:

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilage to carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!

Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Ev'rything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged,
Take it to the Lord in prayer:

Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness,
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness,
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Graduation!

2009-05-20T23:09:00.002+08:00

Yep, I've officially graduated from TP.

No more work and stuff.. But NS is in 2 weeks time. sigh..

Mmmm, was really happy to see everyone together again for one last time. Like really, it was nostalgic. Everyone together at the gaming lab. Playing and gaming again..

Had phototaking before that. The last few times of being together. Haha.

Mmm, do really hope we still stay in contact even if we are going in NS during different times. Hope to see everyone again and drink again soon...

Mmmmm..

Wanna thank the entire C152 and others for these wonderful 3 years in TP. For everything really. Teaching me to take things on a more positive, lighter note. For having more confidence in myself. Lastly, to enjoy EVERYTHING that is in my way. Regardless the situation, just enjoy it. No matter how mother-fucking it is, no matter no hard it is, just enjoy it because when we do talk back about it. We'll laugh about it. That's what I've learnt.

Wan to thank Boss for these 3 years for being our care person and the hell he has to tolerate from us. Haha.

- Kok Wei for starting the -otaku- in me and of course, the other various things that i'm able to talk to him freely about. And also, importantly, passing me the Tsukihime visual novel which ultimately deemed my character.

- Mario for being around and teaching me to be more positive.

- Jem as above.

- Samuel for playing the guitar, dota matches and the topics that i've managed to talk to you

- Shawn for helping me pass certain subjects, dota and other stuff.

- Del for spazzing. LOL. just kidding. Same as shawn.

- Mad for anime, hanging around and the other outing ideas.

- Wes for many many things and duh. the bin.

- Gin Yan as above.

- Coburn. The one who started the air freshener thing. LOL. thanks for helping with the phototaking and the fun. lol.

- Fattus! For the fun man. Lol. and of course you being evil as well. lol.

- Gongz for helping out in mp and other stuff. =3

- Firo for nearly almost everything. LOL

- Eugene as above one of them

- Ge Min for support and visual novels~

- Yan Hao for the random topics that I usually start with you.

- Lucas for the graduation tickets, PS 3, DnD and other things that i never mention.

- Ruby for many many different things.

- Bakaboi for starting the -otaku- in me and introducing me to the forums and tolerating my nonsense

and everyone whom I did not mention. Thank you.

mmm.

I've never regretted coming to TP even though our cirrulum is fucked up. lol.

mmmm. Before I get any more emotional about this... I guess i'll stop here today. lol...

lastly.

If there werent C152, there won't be me here typing this already. thanks guys.

and of course. for all the support that you've given me during the 1 month. recently.

finally.

-it's official-

mm.

UNKER WES!

2009-05-13T10:51:00.001+08:00

mmm.

just woke up.

Celebrated Wesley's birthday on monday. Had a blast. Laughing with the gang, talking nonsense and drinking alcohol again. Haha. those were the times that i missed. I'm glad i tagged along even though i had a huge fking headache.

haha, really had a blast.

thanks guys.

fail mall. period.

2009-04-09T23:36:00.001+08:00

Went to check out Tamp 1 today, the new mall that opened today. Gosh, people, people, people and moar people. Irritating.. Really irritating. Sigh.

Anyways, the mall was a total fail considering that their arcade failed utterly and miserably. However, the food section is a great win! Now, Carl's Junior is so near, I'm so gonna take up my challenge again and hope i DO NOT DIE from it. I almost did explode the last time i ate at Carl's Junior with my ever so epic challenge of burgers. Lol. Hmmm, they have a sake shop, more japanese food stalls and even chocs from japan! Seriously, gonna walk there when the opening season is over and there is not so much crowd. Seriously, it's crowded to the extent that it's annoying.. Really annoying..

Hmm, oh yea! Went to the pet shop that me and kok wei were working a year or two back for job. Did managed to leave my number and what it seems to me that the boss there will call me up for work next week. Which I hope it will happen else i'll be a VERY VERY VERY sad person for living on such... um... broke basis. Sigh, need the cash. badly. Hope I do get it soon.

Well, other than that.. i'm off to bed.

A little trip~

2009-04-08T01:53:00.002+08:00

Went to bugis/orchard on my own today. Kinda refreshing to go out alone from morning till evening.

It's something that I rarely do but sometimes I just do it, on a whim.

Saw an old EA collegue, met him while on my way to take a bus from bugis to orchard. Really, didn't expect to meet him. Kinda made my day. Learnt of the new bugis arcade that is just opposite bugis junction. Not many people. Really not many people..

Played a few games of BlazBlue, the new fighting game based on GG XX then went to orchard to collect my book from kino. Not to mention early in the morn, i had to print and take some stickers. ^^;

Had lunch alone, chilled at KFC while reading the new manga and stuff. Don't do this often but on a whim like I said...

I guess everything that I've done today is pretty much on a whim. Whether or not, it has a purpose..

But it's kinda fun in a way, doing these useless things and killing time. I dunno, I kinda feel a sense of tranquility/peace.. Feels great to be somewhere outside alone...

Maybe next time, I should venture to further places aside from my usual haunts. lol.. Kinda waste of time but I enjoy doing it..

dunno why..

ah well. Oh yea, the one of the project I was in. . . I dropped out of it. Clearly an annoyance and ain't my problem anymore. I sent in my application early than most people yet I didn't get a confirmation or any reply. Some great people they are.

Meh, ain't my problem. If they want to do it that way. So be it. I have other chances and opportuities to do it~

Meh..

to bed.

It's 2:23AM and I need some enlightenment.

2009-04-04T02:22:00.002+08:00

Just as the time stated. I wanted to sleep early because I was tired today after heading over to Rid's with Kok for some Magic: The Gathering (MTG) stuff which I think I bombed my wallet again. However, I ended up being unable to sleep so some unknown reason and decided to watch the next episode of Voice - A jdrama.

I won't say it's not nice or that epic but rather, it was refreshing. A different view of CSI with a whole new perspective and objective. Just a short 3 episode was enough to make me feel refreshed and a load was taken off me. I wont say the problem is gone forever but at least, I found a new motivation to face it.

Yea, been feelings a little down and out due to various reasons though staying home made it worse so I had to thank you really, Kok for accompanying me out today though we both ZERO reasons to. Well, at least for me. Lol.

Hmmm, I've been doubting myself these days recently. About NS, my future, what I want to work as and of cos, my own dreams. However, I realized. What will come will come however, how I decided to face it is another thing. I won't say I'm looking forward to NS neither will I say I'm afraid. Just that, it's another phase and 2 years will pass VERY fast. Then soon, I'm at my step fork road. Work or further study. Given my results and shit, further studying is really not an option for me at the moment. Work - But what? I really don't want to work in something I don't like.

My dreams? Irrevelant. I still have to work part time to achieve it. And given in this *cough* situation where s*cough*g*cough* is a place that do not value or rather, does not give a chance to creativity or people who are seeking for work in this area... I'm pretty screwed actually. Japan's out of the question unless I REALLY start taking up Japanese at this moment. US seems like a good idea but pricey and stuff... I can't say my dream is really that easy to achieve now. . . *sigh* unlike something that can be stored in a portfolio, the stuff that I'm current working on is impossible to be stored in a portfolio. Downright, impossible. Literally impossible. So i'm screwed... I guess.. *sigh*

Kinda gloomy aint it?

Currently, I have 3 projects I'm working on and I have ZERO motivation when I think about it... Even after watching Voice, all motivation is gone after thinking about them. It's been over X number of years since I started on the first one and it never got accomplished... *sigh*

Am I a fool for having a dream?

or

I am a fool who trying to accomplish something that's impossible in this state?

Someone, enlighten me. please.

So. I'm still broke.

2009-04-03T23:15:00.000+08:00

Yes, just as the title states. I'm still broke even after spending a little bit today.

so need work.

sigh.

off to bed.

need. work...

Umm. Ah... Need a damn job..

2009-03-30T10:11:00.002+08:00

Back from Japan for almost a week now. Been passing out gifts and stuff to people and slacking at home while in the midst of finding a part time job to save my ass from the impending doom of figurines.. Well, not alot... Just that... The price kills me enough to find a part time job and i need it BADLY..

sigh.

Moving along, well, nothing much has been happening without the usual exception of school. Seriously, life without school is great but i dun getz to see my poly friends which is kinda sad... Went out to lunch with Sam and Shawn recently and had quite a bit of fun talking with them after not seeing Sam for quite awhile. Chilled at Kok's place within the same week also. It's kinda refreshing to chill at somewhere aside my own house/room. In fact, if possible, i'd want to get out of my house everyday but $$ kills that idea. Heh. Need a job. like seriously.

But well, over all. I'm happy that I have finally graduated and now waiting for the damn-ed diploma paper. Soon it'll be NS. I wonder what kind of NS life will I have but either ways, it's for a compulsory 2 years. No point fearing it eh?

Considering that NS gives food, lodging and pay while you work the shit out of yourself for them... Well, it's still money I need... so i can't complain too much... yet.

Sigh.

If anyone has a part time job lobang, let me know. thanks...

Day before Japan

2009-03-15T11:26:00.002+08:00

Wow, it's been almost a month since I last posted. Lol, i'm pretty lazy when it comes to these things. lol.

Hmm, gonna actually leave for Japan tomorrow morning at 8am. Leaving for Tokyo with Shawn, Eugene and 2 other friend. I suppose it's gonna be fun there considering that, well.. I'm going with friends and not family. No restrictions wad-so-ever. Akibahara, my area, I wonder if I'd actually overspend there. Aha. Let's just hope eh? Music CDs, DVDs and more stuff to get. Well, I don't think.. Actually i will over spend..

Will get somethings back for you all well, if i still have cash remaining. LOL.

yea, wont be around for the next 1 week.

Well, take care~

minor update?

2009-02-24T23:50:00.003+08:00

i seriously dunno wad to post..

well, aside from being bored and lazy...

i have nth to do...

hmmmmmmmmm..

a lil update?

i suppose it's fine..

back from chalet about 4 days ago.... had great fun.. really..

died at home.. had other plans during sat..

went to collect stuff on sunday...

died on monday..

slacking on tuesday...

i dunno wad else really..

i'm parking myself at home most of the time... there isn't anything to do...

i need to unbore myself..

someone unbore me please..

FIGURINES FOR SALE

2009-02-15T22:13:00.003+08:00

It's been so long..

Anyways, do me a favor and help a friend out yea? I'm selling my figurines and stuff. So do let anyone know if they're interested in buying any of them. Thanks.

WTS:
Item 01: Punit Collection Alicia
Company: Megahouse
Condition: MISB - 100%
Price: $60 (Negotiable)
Link: http://www.hlj.com/product/MEG80830

Item 02: 1/8 Another Blood PVC
Company Max Factory
Condition: MISB - 100%
Price: $80 (Negotiable)
Link: http://www.hlj.com/product/MAX04099

Item 03: TYPE-MOON Collection 1 Box (8pcs) [ Full Set ]
Company: ALTER
Condition 90% - Displayed in dust free shelf with proper care taken (boxes are still intact)
PRice: $90 (Negotiable)
Link: http://www.hlj.com/product/ALT20503

Item 04: Nana Mizuki Live Fighter [ Both sides, meaning 2 DVDs]
Condition: MISB - 100%
PRice: $100 *flat*Link: Blue sideLink: Red side
Notes: First press but there are no posters

Item 05: 1/8 Didii PVC (HJ Ltd Ver)
Company: Kotobukiya
Condition: 95% - MISB - Box Damaged when I bought it >.>
Price: $25
Link: http://www.hobbyjapan.co.jp/jingai/diddy.html

Item 06: 1/8 Clalaclan Phirias PVC (Noir Ver)
Company: KotobokiyaCondition: 85% - MISB - Box serverely damaged when I got it >.>
Price: $35
Link: http://www.amiami.com/shop/ProductInfo/product_id/98415

---------------------------------
The prices are negotiable if it's too expensive. Drop me an email/msn/pm if you're interested in any items. They're in need of a better home/owner.
---------------------------------
Dealings~

Payment/Delivery: Cash on Delivery.

Meet-up locations: Any mrt station/Sunshine plaza on Saturdays/Sundays.

Errr, don't pang seh without any warnings please.

Another update~

2009-01-14T21:31:00.002+08:00

well, next update. Wonder if anyone still reads this again? Lol.. I'm so irregular that no one bothers reading i suppose. haha.. if there's anyone still reading, i thank you first yea? for reading and taking time off. /bow

Well, it isn't any special day. just that i feel like blogging i suppose. haha..

hmmm, nothing happen. nothing gonna happen. well maybe.. I'll make sure it's big at the end of this year. as in literally make it big. wadeva's gonna happen. ppl. wait for me.

Especially C152 people. LOOK OUT. I'll make it BIG. it's gonna be. And all of you will have a share in it. I think. If my pocket allows. AHA. but yea. i'll remember all of you! bring it on!!

yep. tt's my declaration! Come and claim from me during year end. DECEMBER that is.

chill all~

new year.. a little late..

2009-01-11T20:34:00.000+08:00

it's the new year.. and 3rd week already.. it's really surprising to know how time flies, really. lol.

well, wish u all a happy new year though it's 3 weeks late.

i have nth to do.

can't wait for class chalet.

can't wait to graduate, if i ever.

i dun wanna go into NS though it's a must. lol.

i dun wanna separate from everyone..

aites.. tt's all..

geez.. i'm bored..

New update?

2008-12-12T01:06:00.002+08:00

k. fking blogger jus ate my post.

i'm.

angry..

night.

kns.

nayways.

thx.

for.

everything.

guys.

these.

times.

in.

sch.

are.

important.

to.

me.

thanks.

alot.

nite.

Happy Birthday!! Well, Belated that is..

2008-11-17T23:58:00.003+08:00

Yep, it's a happy belated birthday to myself. Ok fine, not just myself but to Firo, Del, Boss, Ruby and others that I know and have missed out.

Officially, my birthday is on the 14th of nov. so 3 days has past since. Really appreciated to all who celebrated it with me. Namely: C152, my family and FR peeps.

Really thank you all for it.

C152 for the joint celebration dinner at Cafe Cartel. Really great. Seeing everyone together again after so long. Sad that the celebration was just a dinner since it was on the 13th, a Thursday. Everyone has to work or do mp for the next day. On Friday, my family has own celebrations so yea.. Stayed at home. Really thanks guys.

Thanks to FR peeps for the forum bdae wishes and especially to Shiawasekun and his goldfish for the dinner treat..

It has been a really great bdae.. Thank guys

..

2008-11-05T23:58:00.003+08:00

Just sorted out my wishlist and pre order list. Missing out on the artbook section which I'm too lazy to do at the moment... sigh

feeling so tired...

going to sleep..

nitez..

will anyone save me if i shouted help me?

will everything come true?

i dunno...

everything blurry again...

sigh..

No title

2008-11-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

Wonder if anyone actually read any more? I don't really care though..

yea. i've "abandoned" my anime blog becos i'm too bored/lazy to write. i nv update becos i'm lazy.

sry..

to anyone who reads this..

nitez

No title...

2008-10-20T03:15:00.002+08:00

It's been hell long since I last updated.

Attachment's over, I'm on a 1 week break... A little short if you ask me compared to those who has 2 weeks+ but den again, who am I to complain? There are people worse than me now... I dun wan to say names because I feel for you really..

I really do feel for you but I cannot do anything.. I dunno what to say because I'm not in the situation. I'm not the one that is experiencing it. So it is not my place to say, but if you ever need someone, I'm always here. in the light or in the dark, depending on how you see me as. Always here looking out even if i'm busy because friends are more impt. So yea, >< i'm here to hear you out.

I guess, somehow, things are taking a worse turn for everyone. For me also, aha.. sigh.. but yea, jus continue walking this path. very soon everything will be over... in a blink of an eye... jus thinking abt the future makes me want to cry but we still have to cross this phase. I don't want graduation to come. I don't want this fucking time to end. i dun fucking want to grow up. i dun fucking want to be forgotten by everyone again.. i don't want.. this.. fucking happiness and times to end..... FUCK IT ALL... i dun wan.. dun ever want to be alone again. i dun wan to start all over again.. i dun wan.. to fucking hell... be..... alone.... without.. you all.. fuck it..

things don't go our way i guess.. with everything, i guess we jus have to eat it..

fuck.. it.. i forgot wad i wan to write already...

sigh.

in the end.. each and every one of us...
has to walk our own paths..
i only hope..
we'll never forget..
each other...

it hurts....
it hurts....
so badly....
sigh...

Game over...

Minor updates..

2008-09-23T02:17:00.002+08:00

I miss school. I wan to go back and see everyone there.. Well, almost everyone. Really.

Just finished delivery everything that I owe kokz. Yea, it's exactly 20 days after his birthday that i delivered the present to him. Well, been busy with and CD arrived a weeeeee late. So yea, Happy Belated Birthday again since I just gave u ur prezzie. But yea, hope you liked it..

20 more days and attachment ends. Part of me wants it to end now but most part of me doesn't. Because I still want to see the fun people at EA games, especially my senior testers and QA leads. Managed to play DJMax with them, Monster Hunter, crapped around with them and even talked abt NS g*ahem*host stories and more random stuffs. Haha. But I miss my polymates more.

Sigh, I don't know. Munching my potato chips from Marks and Spencer. Well, it was free since my friend had vouchers. So he told me to swipe anything I want from the food section that is less than 10 bucks. LOL.

Sigh. Boring nights...

Kok, Hope you like the present Sam and I got you. Well, a little late I 'spose but still. LOL. =3

Tired.. Nitez.

A small renuion

2008-08-09T00:27:00.001+08:00

Well, today was um.. a Day-Off from work because tomorrow is a national day. So yea, went back to school.

Ivan had his new hair cut, i caught up with my buddies. Had fun.

too tired to think. will write more tml or something.

nitez.

A post before going out..

2008-07-27T11:32:00.002+08:00

It's post 100. Yay, finally I've hit the 100th mark despite being really really lazy to update and all.

Well, this was suppose to be on yesterday but well, was lazy ahaha.. Hmm, what should i post really. I don't know..

Anyways, just a little update from what I've up to I guess as usual to mark my own progress..

For starters, I'VE CUT MY HAIR. yea, no more long hair. i'm all short hair till it grows back again. ahahhahahahahahahaha.. anyways...

Well, I haven complete/started officially on my own work that is due in about.. 1 month's time or less than one month because I have other things to settle. Same with sticker no tenchi. Damn it.. Need to fasten my pace now.

So, I'm down to 61 days for my attachment and well, I must say there are many many many many nice people around, along with people whom I can click with. Be it anime, DnD tabletop RPG, old songs and other topics, really thankful for my group of people and team that I'm working with. If i get some other group, I think i'll be complaining about my job rather than enjoying it. So yea thank you guys.

Next would be.. I'm down to being broke and out even if my pay comes. Well, let's just say more figurines have arrived for me. This time it's the 1/7 signum from Nanoha A's! Just 2 more characters and I'd have the full set completed. Well, Alter (a figurine producing company) has disappoint me in terms that they didn't come out with one of the characters in her previous look but rather the more recent ones which threw my whole Alter collection for Nanoha A's off but well, at least I got the characters! Haha..

Really, something's missing in my life even though I'm happy. I'm just not really happy. If i were to describe it in words, it would be shades of grey. Haha, prolly need more stuff to be in colors I guess.. Or maybe I'm asking too much?

I have a great figurine family - Figurakuen, a wonderful team at my workplace, wonderful friends - C152, bakaboi, FR peeps and many more people. I guess wad i'm longing for is to really have a close knitted friends and relationships ba.

*Certain things are locked away to prevent the hurt and pain from coming back.
Do not force yourself to accept everything that you cannot accept at all.
Do not feel hurt or sadness when things aren't the way you expect or wish them to be.
Because people have their own lives, you'll just have to break away your attachment to them and let them be.
Hold onto what you have now rather than concentrating on what you don't have...
Because you are already fortunate enough to have these people close to you...
Realize what you've been doing..
Realize what you're missing.. onli then, you'll see the world in a even more positive view despite have a tinge of positivity and mostly negative views, this way, your life will be brighter and more colorful.. realize... them.. all..*

I guess that is what i've learnt recently. Everything happens for a reason. Things disappear and we forget for a reason. The reason is because we sealed them away to prevent further pain and hurt. Why do we despite half-knowing that, still dig up old memories, old issues and pains to only inflict more hurt, sadness upon ourselves? This is all but jus a fantasy in my little world now. I have no idea what I'm saying.. Aha..

I guess being tired is getting to me. I need my sleep.

shall prepare to leave now.

will post more tonight. perhaps.

bye.

Updates

2008-07-17T01:01:00.002+08:00

Going to be 2 weeks since my attachment started at EA Games. I won't say it's a really good job or bad job. But I suppose after 1 week, I'm pretty much used to the work life there. Waking up to travel there, get started for work and etc. The people there are quite nice and really fun to talk to. So I guess work isn't all bad when you have these factors around. But den again, it's not tt all fun cos it eats my life up.

Anyways, took Rui's advice and shifted my cbox up or else it's gonna disappear again cos I added in more pre-orders and wishlist.

So, I guess that's all for updates.

Dun really know wad to write really even though I said I'd update on FR's Anniversary and stuff.

Well, just a side note I guess...

I've never really forgot anything, just misplaced them in my head do to so many things around. But den, I find that I do not have the time to think over them as much as I do like last time. Even when I do, they don't hurt as much as before...

Why?

I don't know.

But I guess, I remember most lessons and try to find back wad I've lost.

I suppose.

After watching the video that Rui showed me yesterday. A wound opened up in my heart. I remembered the fears that I used to have and I reflect now. The things that I've actually took granted for. I feel as if... I'm being torn apart. Bit by bit.

Have I lost myself or my own sanity?

How can I ever forget these feelings. I guess, I am not really...

A good person at all...

sigh...

Updates.

2008-07-08T00:02:00.003+08:00

First up before I update, I would want to wish my forum mascot - Firu Ai and my dad, a very happy belated birthday. Well, this post was due yesterday but because of a certain unforseen circumstance, I am blogging it today.

Anyways, so yea, a happy birthday to this beautiful mascot.

Moving on, last week was a week of celebrations for me. There was Cosfest, my forum - Figurakuen's 1st Anniversary/birthday and my dad's birthday. So yea, had a really busy celebrating week in which i'm broke again.

Tomorrow, I'll be starting my attachment to EA Games. It's a REALLY far trip from home and have to wake up early which is ridiculous but no choice. I need the cash =x Haha, yea.

Once again, Happy Birthday to all whose birthday is due. Will update more tomorrow about the celebrations. Nightz all.

random shits.

2008-06-23T02:53:00.002+08:00

gonna sleep soon but feel that i should put random updates. lol.

well, i haven been doing anything constructive. really. nothing at all. not even the simple packing of my table. my room and lots of other shits to do. /sigh

really really lazy.. but it has to be done.. too lazy...

gonna.. sleep.. now..

nitez.

Packing and Stuff

2008-06-20T01:43:00.003+08:00

Been awhile since I wrote here as usual. 2 weeks of holidays have past and I'm am worse than ever. I've gotten even more broke and cashless than ever and more stuff are coming in soon. shitz.

anyways, just taking this free time to blog before i actually sleep. It's not much to update but i shall put my to-do-list i suppose.

oh yea! my pre-order list goes up again..

Things to Do:

1. Pack my Table
2. Put up ALL my anime stuff on my walls again
3. Pack my room
4. GET A DISPLAY CABINET

aites. i go le. nitez.

a mess.

2008-06-06T02:03:00.003+08:00

Well, everything's officially over already. well all but SODES. However, I don't really feel totally relieved or rather, it's a mixture of emotions. totally.

Today's presentation didn't go smoothly mainly because of many reasons.

1) The total lack of sleep killed everyone and I do mean everyone.
2) Changes in the data we have obtained.
3) Lack of time to properly finish and finalize everything.
4) A certain someone (abt 99% of the factor)
5) Other various reasons that I cannot remember.

In all honesty, I have to agree with Samuel. Today's presentation is one of the worst presentations ever. No presentation I've done in my entire life has ever been as bad as this. Really, it's enough to shoot my own head. But I guess, it's the best my group can do because the certain someone didn't do any shit. Hence, we have to cover up for him and hence we have no time.

Told the teacher before presentation, the teachers started shooting him like no one's business. Although the group presentation marks suffered as hell, although I actually wanted to make sure worse things happen. But in the end, due to group decision, I didn't. Because I don't want to go against the group decision. Sam also said something that made a point, "Don't add one more sin to ur life because of him. It ain't worth it." I suppose it's true, but even if so, it's unjust to the rest. I can let things go easy, but I myself wan some justice also. Seriously, if I say I don't mind being treatly unjustly, I'd be lying. Hence, I initiated the group suicide by telling that the someone didn't to work to my AOCP...

I'm sorry. I killed us all so badly. But I guess I can't just let it go really... If I have the chance, I'll make sure I do a more proper job and take up the responsibility myself. I'm sorry.

I guess, that's about it. The end result of the bombarding session for our presentation was the worse possible result. Even, the final decision was a mistake made by the teachers else we get a lower result. So everything in the end, is the worst possible end. Even so, frustrated and sad, it's over. all over...

A relieve that this week and most of the projects are over. I can finally relax abit I guess. Aha..

Once again, i apologize for my incompetence forgive me.

Off to bed I go.

dead. in the dead night.

2008-06-04T01:28:00.002+08:00

Everything's been thinning and stressed up. Though I don't seem like it, i'm actually suffering from it badly.. real badly.

at least MGPG is finished. and i do mean finished. will actually write more on the hell week tomorrow as i really need my sleep...

mood's been off every since the last few days or week for crunch time.. from feeling useless to silent emo nights to really really fked up retarded me. i almost wanted to snap at ppl but i held back. really..

enuff said. sleep's calling me.

**this is jus the evil evil side of me speaking now**

i really want to push u into the sea and hold ur head in and make u drown lyk the *beep* u are.. even if the whole group is covering up ur ass, even if coburn disagreed on killing u off, i am gonna do it so badly until u cannot make it. well, almost cannot make it as the presentation shitz are not done by me and i don't wan to kill of my presentation marks. either ways, i'm gonna handle it one way or another. u're gonna die...

also, i wan to snap alr.. i really really wan to.. u haven seen me blowing up and spewing every single shit there is and i know infront of ur face.. my patience have been thinning and REALLY thinning.. i am still able to control but dun push ur luck.. if everything passes smoothly without me snapping, den good for u. if not, too bad. also, i don't really give a shit abt my results at all.. if i have to flunk something jus to make u feel my wrath, i will do it.. i am.. really.. gonna snap soon.. don't push it...

YOU. ARE. SO. GOING. TO. DIE. IN. HELL. 99. TIMES. OVER. and prolly that is still not enuff..

*** end **

i'm off to sleep.

utter uselessness

2008-06-01T03:08:00.003+08:00

i jus realize something tonight. a sudden realization tt is so show. i realized this fact.

i.am.utterly.useless. period.

i am unable to do anything right or start anything. i am also not talented in anything at all. period.

after all these fact. it jus to show one thing.

i am a utterly useless person and i shld just disappear from the face of the earth.

period.

i am utterly useless.

period.

An early departure.. I suppose

2008-05-14T02:22:00.002+08:00

It's been hell long since I last posted but I guess I'll have to actually post because a precious memory and treasure has been lost in advance. Well, it's none other than the Hybrids Gaming Club.

Seriously, because of what happened today, we've been officially kicked out of the club. Well, all those with CGPA not above 3.2. Which is practically almost all of my class people... So yea.

Well, moving back in time. Let's take a history tour of what happened that caused us to be evicted. Hmmmm..

Well, to begin, it was during our break after SODES where things started to happen. Apparently, jem's PS2 memory card went missing after 2 class visits to the gaming club. So we had a through search of the lab and decided to ask mr johnathan chee's about the missing memory card because someone from his class played the PS2 and inserted his own memory card while removing jem's one and put it on the table. So well, it went missing because the person didn't put it back properly (i assume). So yea, jem checked the person's memory card to be safe as the person brought the same type or kind of memory card as jem. Well, it was a NO HIT so the fella's clean. But after this, john chee came up and scolded us for accusing his student about taking jem's memory card but because we were wrong, we sth sth sth la. But the point being is that jem didn't even accuse anyone so yea. Was kinda unhappy at first. After the scolding, we went back to search for it.

Then Boss came along and gave us a lecture and breaking the news of those CGPA are not 3.2 and above are out and not allowed to even step in. Even committee members have to be 3.2 and above. So yea, we're exiled and out. So after that we decided to remove EVERY SINGLE THING THAT BELONGED TO US. So yea, it's kinda empty now. But wad can i say? the school wan to pull stunt, this is wad happen lo.

So yea, although a treasure is lost, more is found. I'm sure C152 will bond together even more because of this.

I'm quite tired so I shall not say anymore. maybe tml i'll post in detail. nitez.

To Boss: Thanks for letting me into the club despite my poor CGPA and lending me storage space. Seriously, thank you for the space to hangout and everything. ^^

After finishing my stuff..

2008-04-25T02:26:00.002+08:00

Just finished the BSCG stuff that i need to fill up. Brain dead at the moment, so I'll prolly just leave a quick update.

Well, it's officially the start of 3rd year and things aren't really the same as before. Considering that the point is that everything is so frigging fast paced, prolly it's becos it's block mode. Whatever, but yea, I have barely time to actually do things that I like except for sacrificing my sleeping time of which I will not..

Been awhile I found time to update despite having night classes for 4 days now. Aint it fun. Ahaha. But yea...

I really wonder what's going to happen after this year. Will we still stay in contact or will we forget each other and move on? I hope the former happens. Really I do, considering that everything I've been thru and learnt are thanks to these people. Really... Possibly because I stayed the same but thanks to them I've moved on about certain things though I recall them time and time again. However, the wounds dun hurt anymore as it used to. But because it's my last year, I want to end it with a blast... I won't want to be hurt.. That's why I'm unconsciously moving away from the group and class... Unknowningly distancing myself, unknowningly shutting myself into my own little pathetic world, into my own fantasy.

I guess the reason wouldn't be because of work that I didn't go to the camp. But rather because I am afraid that when the time comes and I have to leave, I'd be hurt by being forgotten again. It's a reflex I suppose, even if I don't wish for it, I still do it unknowningly. It's retarded. It's pathetic. I shldn't have opened my heart in the first place so that this wouldn't happen. But yet I did.

Now I am neither here nor there. Where the heck am i? Which side am I going to pick? I don't know. I really wish to be closer and not forgotten. But, things don't always go the way we want it right?

I wonder how long more can I hold out before I go insane? Ahaha...

"To be forgotten is worse than death..." - Freya, Final Fantasy IX

Update~

2008-04-17T01:40:00.001+08:00

It's been over a month since I last updated. I suppose i've been busy working. From afternoon till night, drains me dry. School's starting soon and this coming year isn't looking good. I dunno if i can pass and graduate or not. I'll be sleeping now. work tml.

Shana wins all.

Simple Reflections

2008-03-28T00:52:00.002+08:00

It's already been a month since holidays. Time flies by so quickly isnt it? During this one month, everything has been quite uneventful. Nothing is done yet everything being put to one side. i kinda regret leaving things like that even though there are people supporting me. All those planning yet nothing is done so far. . . I have absolutely no excuse to help myself, to defend myself. It's a little disappointing even for myself to look back.

It's funny isn't it? I can say it, understand it yet no actions is done to fulfil it. Absolutely no excuse and utter disappointment. Even till now, I ask myself "should i just give it up and let everything go?" Much as I'm tempted to, my dreams are the only one that keep me holding on even though nothing is done and achieved.

Perhaps dreams will only remains as dreams for me. nothing will be accomplished.

will it?

Myself; Yourself - Something a little emo...

2008-03-08T00:25:00.004+08:00

Just realize that my wishlist have grown again and not by a little bit.. But by a lot ^^;

Anyways, completed the series myself; yourself... It's really a great anime.. With great background music, voice actors, storyline and character development. One of the many series that I liked. Though certain parts are predictable, most are unique.

However, I guess after watching it has turned my mood down a little. Especially the last few episodes. . . I suppose this is as "close" to reality it can get? The anime itself seems quite funny and happy in the beginning but as the plot goes, each character face with a dilema (however you spell it) that they can barely cope. How each of them responds even if they have the same problems shows the many faces of people I guess.. Some people laugh their problems away, some choose to run away or some choose to lock themselves away etc etc. The list just goes on and on but I suppose no one knows the end result especially if we are the one caught in it.

We are able to predict what happen in animes because we, as viewers are able to see the whole picture but if we are in a certain character's shoes, I doubt so. Many of us would think "i will not do that if i were him" which might be true in some cases but in most, we fail to do wad we think because we are not able to see the big picture. After watching Myself; Yourself, I cannot help but to think about it..

I suppose it's just me to think this much.. aha..

nite.

Time wasting.

2008-03-06T00:51:00.002+08:00

Quite bored actually that is why i'm actually writing here now at this hour. I just wasted the night away by not doing anything. Even though I'm determined to do something, i guess my actions are really... nothing.. i am too lazy to get anything started much to my despair sadly.

nothing's been happening except from being ultra broke with pre-orders and birthdays on the way. I hence apologize early and now to those that birthdays are coming later but i nv get a gift. I am too broke and even if i have the cash, my family's birthday comes first. So yea, too bad. not much of an apology isn't it? aha. but yes, family's first.

but ya, a final word before i sleep.

I want to have something done within these 2 months. If it's not this thing, then it'll be another. Regardless, I want to have it out by 2 months. I do not want to have my planning fail even though I know most likely they'll fail but this time, i'm gonna put effort into the things I do. no more doing it in my free time or when i feel like it. else it's gonna end up like now.

I cannot pinpoint the things that are wrong that i do not know. But those that I already know, i'll try to correct it and improve on it. This is the only thing I am able to do.

Whether the end result is good or bad, I really want to improve.. I really want something to be done within these 2 months.. Even if the end products is not presentable, I want it to be out... to be answerable to myself.. even though, i cannot pinpoint what is wrong..

night..

Minor updates?

2008-03-02T16:11:00.002+08:00

Yea! Finally, into the second week of holidays. Prolly what i need now is work more than anything else so that I can pay for ALL my deposits and pre-orders. Seriously, i'm beginning to fear for what's to come. =X

Haha, anyways. No more projects, just pure relaxation. Or maybe not. Work is needed but there are other stuff to do aside from just purely WoW. Will update more in the night. XD

Been so long.

2008-02-03T02:26:00.000+08:00

It's been more than a month since I said my new years greetings. Been busy with stuff I guess. It's about high time I revived things here with a little updates that have happened.

Nothing much except that the course is completely draining my energy and ability to think. Not to mention destroying my ego and seriously making me reconsider that whether I'll have a future once I graduated. Really, I do wonder now. It's not long before we actually grad now, is it? But then again, I'm living my life for this moment, this point of my life. So, I guess worrying about it isn't really me now. Anyways, projects are getting more and more busy as the semester is coming to an end. But I hope to have a really good rest once this is over.

Anyways, school stuff aside... Well, nothing's changed really except the expansion of my anime collection? I guess I'm still the same old anime bugger living around.

Though I believe I still have aspirations to be a a writer someday and publish something, but I guess it's all but a far far dream. Aha. I'm actually quite tired. So yea. Nightz.

New Year!!

2008-01-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

Hello, feeling really tired after today's 5hrs badminton game. My arm's breaking already. Haha. Well, not gonna say much because i'm tired. haha. I guess i'll just post my new year's resolutions here. Well, gonna thank Bakaboi, Kok Wei, Mad, Sam, Coburn and the rest which I am too lazy to name now because I'm tired. Thanks for making my life interesting and great. ^^.

Here are my resolutions.

1. Go Japan
2. Save money to pay for pre-orders and debts

Nitez all.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2007-12-25T00:54:00.001+08:00

It's... CHRISTMAS! Merry Christmas to all.

I really aint got much to say aside from wishes to everyone. I suppose. Though sometimes, things are left better unsaid. But ya, Merry Christmas. May you have a wonderful Christmas with your family and loved ones.

Bear out.

Neglecting...

2007-12-02T20:52:00.000+08:00

Been busy and really tired these days. Really, have no idea what am I up to lately. Aside from the usual business which I and a few other will have to settle before the time comes, I guess I'm kinda lazy not?

Nothing's upcoming aside from the 15 of December. EOY Cosfest. Anyone going?

Broke?! Extension in list stunned

2007-11-27T13:40:00.000+08:00

I'm actually in class right now and feeling really bored. Seriously, after having a really bad stomach upset, the mood of going to school to enjoy the day was ruined. But then again, classes are important. I suppose.

Anyways, so I'm actually here updating my list which has been stagnant for a long while. After updating, I realize that I have quite ALOT of things to be paid for and to pay for. Which sadly stretches till next year. However, I'm determined that this year's payments must be settled. Whatever's due next year will be next year. So it wouldn't be that hard. Sadly, it's frustrating to know that I've more stuff in hand and probably will have even more. Aha. Well, ya..

So after everything, all in all, I'm dead broke. Anyone wanna donate to save the bear funds? I dun mind really. I dun mind at all. =x

2007-11-26T01:13:00.000+08:00

It's been about two weeks since I last blogged. Even when I'm blogging, I seem so half-assed. I guess I'm pretty half-assed when it comes to this kind of things. Basically because, I usually forget them the next day or I'm just too tired. But then again, good memories must be remembered right?

So... Well,

2 weeks ago, had the birthday celebrations for Boss, Firo, Deli and me. Really enjoyed it. Went to Woodlands before heading over to hideout cafe. Burn was with me, met Kok there where he passed me my giant mushroom. Though I felt I was actually blocking the way on buses and everything, I still like it alot. Thanks again! Got presents for Deli - a hammer and Firo - a pair of keychain guns. Mad - the wrong birthday gift fella. Partially my mistake I guess. Anyways, after reaching hideout. Had lots of fun and laughed my ass off.

Since today is a monday, so.. 3 days ago. Friday, Nick's chalet! Went there for the first night, upon reaching, me and baka saw Nick drunk and dead. Apparently, his bunch of friends KOed him before we did. So, looked after him for quite awhile before Mad, Firo, Deli and Matin came. Played Dai-Dee with them and soon went down for food after Nick was better. Had mahjong from 11- 6+++, was already dead. Second day, slept den went to sunshine den to chalet with Fat and Kok. Reached there and enjoyed myself. Complications and shits happened but all's well ends well, I guess. In the end, we still stayed for one more night and enjoyed ourselves to the max. Before that, during dinner, we were playing this game where Rio taught. So a total of 10 people were playing. I suppose Wes got it worse considering that he had very small tolerance for alcohol. But we had fun...

So I'm here about to get KOed from the trip home yesterday. Super tired... But I guess, it's only fair to update every once in awhile.

** Warning: Rants **

You've been warned. So yea.

It has been another good memories though very little or no pictures were again at all. These times are carved into our hearts already, quite hard to forget I guess. Seriously, in due time, Nick is going to be away for a long time. Though he's already away from us but at the least, we still get to talk to him. But this coming thing, is going to take it all away. I seriously have absolutely no idea on what to do already. Sigh.

I'm at a lost in planning and seeing everything through. I'm really drained and probably worried trying to find replacements and settle everything so that Nick won't have to worry that much when he's gone. However, things are not going that smoothly and I'm getting to be really really tired. I am trying to do everything so perfect yet it's flawed. I'm trying to see it through successfully yet it is on the verge of failing. Even if I know that it's pointless to plan so far, but I can't help it because if I don't, I know something huge is going to come and crush me.

The quote: "The only things that is certain in the future is uncertainty" So true isn't it?

Lastly, don't mind me. I just need a venting space for all these. Though, I might actually seek someone to talk to. But ultimately, it's just a rant, I guess...

** End **

Nitez all.

Anime Thoughts

2007-11-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

I'm back after completing the IGAI powerpoint. Really, my eyes are blinded just by editing the fonts. Thankfully, it's done and finished. But sadly, there's another assignment due next friday which totally sucks. But I guess nothing can bedone about it. Haha.

Well, I don't know what's up with me but I'm kinda moody abit. Guess it's the not sleeping early syndrome. /sigh

I don't know, just suddenly I got the urge to rewatch Kanon and Air. However, due to the lack of time, I can't. Really itching to watch these two great animes. The storyline and the development of the character are really really great. Perhaps it's a really great anime that touched me? Haha.

Will post more thought on saturday about wad I wanted to post yesterday.

Nightz

Finally! I'm 18!!

2007-11-15T00:36:00.000+08:00

Yay! I'm finally and officially 18 years old. Haha. Well, this post was for 12:00am but due to IGAI, I guess it has been delayed. Oh well, anyways..

Yea, my birthday has just passed. It was just yesterday for those who do not know. Do not feel bad or anything if you do not know or I didn't tell you. I don't really tell my birthday unless asked or in replying a question on who's birthdays are mine together with. So yea, do not feel bad.

Really, I want to thank you guys for remembering my birthday even though I didn't tell you all explicitly or where I told you all at all. Anyways, regardless, Thank You all.

Great and sad things have happened in these 2 years of my poly life and is thanks to all of you from C152, senpai and group, INTSC, Boss and whoever I missed out. Seriously, I never had such great fun before.

However, due to work for IGAI, I shall stop here. But I will continue tomorrow on this post. I have lots more things to write. Thank you

BREAK!!

2007-11-08T02:05:00.000+08:00

Finally, I managed to get a short 4 hours break before going back into projects. Or rather, a night's sleep. Things has been going REALLY HECTIC and i wan to cry. Been busy like no one else's business. I'm sure my class people all agree. Sigh.

I do not even have time to do what I've promised to do because of this hectic period.

Hectic period = school = project = going home late = less sleep / no sleep = being damn lazy = sleep = no time to do anything else..

Someone pls end it..

Time to go sleep already..

Nite

End of first week

2007-10-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

Yay! Finally, it's the end of first week of school.. Introduction and getting used to classes week I guess.. It's not really that bad aside from the horrendous timing of night classes. Going home late and dead tired does not really help in doing projects and stuff that needs to be done badly.. Sigh.

Anyways, today was CDS day so had nothing but CDS. Was really worried that I would not have anyone I know in my class but I guess I'm blessed to have a few people I know. Nothing much aside from being shagged the whole day. Had BESM today in about 5+ to 7:15. Quite funny especially with the people around. Despite being 1/2 awake, I managed to become fully awake at a later point of the day like around 6+, I became really awake. Now, my body is telling me to go to sleep or else I'm gonna shut down badly..

Overall mood: Tired but Happy.

If anyone wants to try BESM, contact Firo XD

Anyways, I'm incharge in logging the BESM sessions of what happened during the session. I'll give more information on how this logging is done some other day as my mind is shutting down. Counting on people in today's session to run me thru my memory (namely Firo since Lucas, Johan us not online and Kenny's the GM). AHA..

Nitez.

Tired.. Really Tired..

2007-10-21T01:34:00.000+08:00

Hadn't had much sleep lately.. Really tired now. After getting what I was aiming for for quite awhile. Kino 20% is quite deadly.. I spent abt $53 if there weren't a 20% off, I'd be spending 70++

Sadly, I can't wait for much longer for these mangas for fear of them running out of stock. So I decided to buy them. Reading them will be a different story I guess.. Haha..

So far today I've gotten:

3 Shakugan no Shana manga
4 Tsukihime manga
1 School Rumble Official File Book.
2 Melty Blood manga (on the way to arrivial)

That's about it.. But I just realize that by doing so, I've been pretty much an IDIOT because this coming week I have 3 pre-orders coming in and I ain't got any cash remaining to pay for them. I am in a DEEP DEEP shit. Let's just hope I'll be able to get them.

Bear asleep.

2nd last day of holidays.

2007-10-20T10:16:00.000+08:00

It's 10:16am now. Yes, I just woke up due to a habit of waking up early due to work in the holidays. However, things will have to change considering that we have a crappy timetable which starts school at 11am and end at 10pm. We spend more than 11 hours in school with lessons! Ain't that just cute? =.= I guess we do not have any choice now do we? Another semester with all my buddies again. I look forward to more fun times during this boring semester. Haha...

All right, depressing aside. Guess I'll be heading out to kino later with senpai since there is a 20% discount. Might use this time to buy what I've been aiming for. Sigh, I will have to watch what I spend on since my pay will be cut due to an accident in work. And here I thought I wouldn't have to pay for it considering that my supervisor said so. I've been cheated of my feelings and pay! Damn it. Hope they do not cut much away or else I'll start crying and forfeiting all my figurines which is just plain sad man!

Hm.. Will have to PACK my room soon since new books for school is coming in and I do not have enough space to place them due to my huge mess. But in that huge mess only I can find my things. HAHAHAHA. Right, so umm.. Yea! Will blog more tonight..

Bear out.

Towards the end of holidays..

2007-10-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

Back here, about to sleep since tomorrow have semester briefing, I must be there or else something bad will happen I guess. Been over 2 months since I saw some of my friends/classmates while some I've been seeing once in awhile I gues. I wonder how's everyone doing, really. But since it's ending of hols and no one has any huge problems (not tt I know off) so ya, I guess everything all right. Though I know tomorrow will 100% be in clubroom before heading out for BESM session then senpai's house.

Well, I guess that's covers tomorrow's plans. About today, nothing much except watching old and new animes to finish up whatever's I'm left with. Hopefully, I get to fix the puzzle. Though I'm lazy and busy at the same time, so I have quite little time to fix it but hopefully, it'll be done and framed up soon. And I do mean SOON. Anyways, went out with senpai since he called me out due to boredom. Went to sunshine, grabbed a megami magazine which I lent senpai to scan the posters he wanted. Then, went to plaza sing to look at stuff.. Due to some miscomm, I guess Kok who was in Bugis went back to Tamp afterall instead of staying on and waiting for me. My fault though, handphone's vibration not strong enough so I replied quite late. Sorry to PS you!! Took a bus home since it's free but got caught in heavy traffic due to damn heavy rain. Got back to Tamp to catch Kok. Walked around and ate dinner before going home. But ya, it seems that work can be quite a fun topic to talk about. Haha..

Other than that, nothing interesting happened. Quite tired these days, I guess sleeping don't work for me.. Or rather, 8 hours ain't enough.. Sigh.

Hmm, thought really crossed my mind today about why spend money on animates (anime related stuffs) since most people tell me their worthless. Well, to me, I say it's my hobby and I am quite happy doing that. I mean, of course I have other things to do (especially gaming and more) but Anime is quite big in my life. Though I wish to get a PS 2 due to cashflow problems (of over pre-ordering), I can't get it. Sad since I can't play most games but good enough that I have Anime ba. Lol..

Umm.. Figurines are made of plastic and can be quite fragile. But to me, these figurine are just plastics or anything. They are something that is worth collecting and taking care of (which I will begin cleaning my figurines soon -_-"). More than one of the same type/character? I guess it's all about perspective and happiness. If you're happy doing something why stop? Even if I have more than one of the same character, I might just get another one (different pose or something) considering that each figurine is different. In terms of quality, size, details and craftsmanship. All in all, each figurine is different and that there is something special in each and everyone. Though I'mm considered quite weird as almost everything I have, I deem that it is something special (except for studies related stuff) and will go thru quite a length to protect it OR use it to the extent the life-span of it is finished. OR maybe I just want to help people to save money or something. LOL..

So yea, that's about why I spend on animates though I didn't really cover it or answer it.

Just a note: I do have my mood swings even when buying animates. I do doubt myself but after awhile, I'm all right again because this is my passion. So I guess, it's really ok to let loose yourselves in one certain thing. No one can survive without hobby and yes, GAMING is a hobby! So don't go say you ain't got a hobby. XD

After so long..

2007-10-14T08:56:00.000+08:00

Sorry peeps who have been trying to read, I know it's been over 11 days straight that I did not update or blog in here at all. Been a little lazy and busy. Had to work for the last 2 weeks, returning home dead tired and too lazy to update. Watch abit of anime here and there. Well, yea! That's about it.

Hmm.. I don't know what to write as I've just woken up (after waking up for work everyday for 2 weeks at an early timing, I guess my body automatically wakes up quite early even if it's at a later time). Well, I've been working as a packer in some aircraft parts company for 1 week and then as a taxi meter data downloader for 2 weeks. I must say, things are pretty interesting when you work especially for a short period of time. Made some new friends, seen really interesting people (especially at the taxi job). All in all just to get some extra cash. Which... I don't earn at all due to my insane amount of pre-orders which are taking their tolls on me (as termed in WoW, Damage Over Time a.k.a DOT). Overall, I spent about $300+ on pre-orders alone and that excludes my spending for last week where I grabbed another fan magazine/book. =X

I suppose I'll be REALLY broke till next year feb. I've pre-orders coming this month, november, december, january and feburary. So yea, I'm pretty much tight on cash though the good thing is that I can save up during the respective months. However, after my first pre-ordered figurine Arcueid Brunestud, I learnt to be wiser. The companies will ALWAYS delay your shipment thus making them arriving on the same month!! Arcueid and Neco Arc (the company web spelt it this way so I shall follow) were suppose to arrive last month but they delayed until this month which are in line with my Ayu Tsukimiya figurine. So basically, I have 3 figurines to pay for this month unless they decided to delay more. *sigh*

All in all, I'm really really quite happy to get them after so long. True enough, the quality of these figurine are actually superb compared to the rest which you get from little small boxes (not saying that those from small boxes sucked because some of them are REALLY good too). I guess hench the price.

Enough of my figurine rants. School's gonna start in about one week, I just wish the hols will be longer but I guess it's impossible. However, it's really amazing how time flies. 2 months, in a blink of an eye is over. I wonder what have I done during this holiday aside from working and slacking on days where I don't have work. Nothing overly productive but mostly it's all right by me. Since watching anime is my life. I guess so. Hope next semester will be better than last semester but I know that is just wishful thinking. Ahaha.

I guess I should blog more tonight, considering that I am mind blanked and I have another episode just fresh from the oven. So yea, bear out.

For those who are interested in my figurine collection/anime/anime-related stuff, check out my other blog which is purely on anime. There are links to other anime bloggers and my other friends. Here is the link to my web. Click here.

For those who want anime reviews, can go here. Click here.

Tata.

finally.. it's here.

2007-10-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

Yes, my 1/8 ARCUEID BRUNESTUD figurine has arrived safely in my house. BOOYA! The quality of the figurine is damn good. glad i bought.. AHAHAHAH

It's been awhile..

2007-09-27T01:55:00.000+08:00

It's been 10 days after that depressing post or copied one. Aha..

Been very tired lately and sleeping a lot. Well, I'm dead-broke after a spending spree so I have nothing to do but that is beside the point. Anyways, been sleeping like never before. Wondering why, so tired.

However, I guess I can really be dead asleep. Even if so, I seriously wish to be at least able to dream of dreams. It's been awhile since I last dreamt of something. Though they say if you're dreaming means your brain is not resting but working. I don't really care though, at least, I want to dream once in a long time. It feels refreshed yet something's missing when I wake up. Maybe because I'm lacking sleep? I don't know...

So tired.. Even at this time..

ZZZzzzzZZzZzZZz.. nite..

Fragments of Memories

2007-09-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

I suppose I should change my blog title to Fragments of Memories, considering that the fact that all I've been doing is recalling memories. I ask for you pardon, dear readers, for my english in this post. I will not attempt the find a better word to replace another one or neither will I find the exact wording for certain places... I am not in a right set of mind to actually think of them. To be honest, I don't want to break my train of thoughts by finding them... I apologize again.

*

It's been a long while hasn't it? Since I last posted something negative? Or was it recently with Memories of Nobody? Who cares. It's gonna be a negative post. And maybe a hell long one. Prepare readers.

So I begin...

It's been awhile since I actually sit back and reflect or think about the things that have passed. I guess now it's really the time hmm? Looking back, I guess thinks were really busy and fast-paced to the extent that time passed so fast. I visited this little blog of mine and I realize, how time flies. So many posts, so many memories. Happy, tired, angry and sad. Yet, why do I do not remember these feelings, these memories? Yet why do I claim that I can remember? After looking through the archive section, I realize how much I've forgotten due to passing events and I recall about my previous blog, where everything began and kept. I said I'd forget about her when I migrated but I really didn't. Everything there is like being caught in a time stop. Time froze at that blog and so do all my feelings and memories with it. I guess as day pass, I forgot much more things of the past. Even this blog, the previous entries, I don't think I recall all of them but a few I do. Nonetheless, it's been etched inside here.

I'm really a bad person. I'm the worst. Worst of the worst. I'm contradicting myself everywhere I go. I'm just a liar. A backstabber. A traitor. I deserve to die badly. Someone take my life away. Please? Wait, I'm even begging to be killed? I'm really really the worst, being afraid of dying even at this point. I really should just vanish and don't exist.

I keep saying, I won't forget friends, only they forget me. However, in actual fact, I'm the one forgetting them. In return, they just forget me. After all this time, I'm just lying, I guess. Everything begins with me. All these memories here are a living proof that I'm the worse because I'm not what I'm saying. I suck badly. Perhaps, I'm enjoying myself too much? I don't know really. I don't know what to think anymore, to feel, to hope. Even all the precious feelings I hold dear, begin to fade. The ones I value so much, I begin to lose sight. Everything is falling apart and I know it. But yet, I tend to forget and move on without doing anything. I guess even if something drastic happen, I'll forget. Then I'll forget that I'll forget until someday, something/someone reminds me of it. It's pathetic of me for this to happen.

I really want time to turn back but yet eventually, we need to grow up. But I want to ask all of you, how many of us will actually rememeber what has happened? How many of us will truly remember what has happened during year 1, during the open house when we have all grown up or after NS or after we're separated? How many of us will remember now in 10 yrs time? 5 yrs? I really don't know. It just hurts me to know that I'll eventually forget. And that so many things are actually lies. Songs that stats that it is impossible to forget, that you'll always remember and whatever along these lines are just a fairy tale. It is impossible for us to remember really. Given the fucking pace of the lives that we're going through, it's virtually fucking impossible. We'll just forget as though it was just another passing day even if it's damn important. Even though, I know looking back is very bad, I guess I can't. Really, I can't. That's why I'm stuck in this frigging cycle. I'm pathetically the worst guy ever.

I want time to stop, to turn back to when it was, to where it all start. So that I can rid all the mistakes that makes me now. But it's impossible, time won't stop or even less, turn back for a simple human for me. A miracle would be too much to ask even. So what's a time bending miracle? I don't know.

I can't even remember the moments when I actually remember or felt something so warm, so close. I can't remember whether I actually felt that way or experience such things. I really cannot remember. I'm forgetting everyone and becoming more and more self centered. More and more selfish. I'm pathetic and fucked up. Badly.

*

to mei: Sorry for neglecting you to the point where I really never talk to you anymore. I'm sorry. Forgive me ya? I'm sorry.

This post shall continue tomorrow or whenever as my train of thoughts has been broken.

Memories of ___________?

2007-09-10T02:31:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I shifted to the other one. Like I said, emo/non-anime relavant stuff here rite? So, I guess it's the first post of this week here..

Why I put my post title as Memories of _________? I leave it to you to fill in the blanks yourself. Anything can be put inside. Anything you wish. But really, how well can we remember the things that we put in that blank? How clearly can we remember? Honestly, I do not know. Or rather, I cannot remember things that clearly...

Certain things we remember, certain things we don't.

After watching 2 anime, I realise this point. We only remember the things that are close or routine to us. Other than that, everything's selective. People say we cannot wipe our memories. We all know it's true but what if we force ourselves not to think about it by keeping ourselves busy with other things? We'll eventually forget. Even though, it's a temporary method of running away/solving things, these painful memories will come back to haunt us. But after awhile, we get numb and used to it to the extent that it won't bother us anymore... Eventually, we'll forget all the same...

Will we remember something/someone once it's been wiped from our memories? Or the subject is taken away from us in our lives. Eg. a passing (no offense or anything). For those that it affected directly, they'll remember it for a longer period of time and suffering more. But for those affected indirectly, we only remember at the point of happening and perhaps a few days more. Other than that, we forget. Like birthdays, which happens once in awhile, we never really remember unless we put an effort to OR something happens on that very day then we remember.

How much we remember something determines how precious/dear that thing is to us. The more precious, the more painful it is to forget when it's gone. It's jus how things go. I'm sure everyone of us know that fact.

But then... How well/clearly can we remember a certain memory? Will we even start to think/recall these memories? How do people view which memories are precious to them?

The most important of all:

Do we even recall/think about a certain thing when that something is completely wiped from the face of the earth where not a single clue/thing related to that something can be found? How far will we go to erase a certain painful memory? How determined can we be?

Lastly, What are the Memories of __________ means to us?

Migrated.. Or rather.. Shifted..

2007-09-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

Yo. I've moved! Or rather my emo/wadeva/non-anime related posts will be here. Where as, my anime related posts will be http://magicfindsheep.otakurean.com/

Haha.

BACK!!

2007-08-28T01:51:00.001+08:00

I HAVE RETURNED.. yea well, for 2 - 3 days I was out of action..

YES, I have officially blown my laptop adapter a few days ago. Was gaming and den "PIAK". My screen went black and my adapter light was well.. Black.. I instantly knew wad was wrong.. Went without my lappy for the first night. Thank heavens I got my manga to keep me company..

The next day.. Went to buy new adapter. Thought everything was well and becos I didn't bring my lappy, I dunno that there was something wrong.. I plugged in.. Nothing happens.. Why? The new adapter's pin is unable to connect with my lappy's.. Gosh! Thank heavens I got my mangas again..

The third day.. Went down to get the adapter fixed with my lappy. All was working well except.. I didn't realize.. My power cord's fuse was blown as well.. =.="' Went home den went down to get a new power cord. Now everything SHLD be fine..

Hope I wont blow my adapter again..

Been awhile..

2007-08-18T03:17:00.000+08:00

Sch's ended. OFFICIALLY. JOY oh JOY.. but 3D submission is drawing hell near sadly. DSAG term test also but then, there's no sch, so yea. Pros and Cons I guess..

It's been awhile. Since I last posted. So tired.. Sigh. Hmm, I'm not sure whether I'm gonna start WoW as I jus realize I cannot commit myself to play 24/7 or at least make the cash worth. It's kinda pathetic really. I guess I'll further reconsider this point, whether I can commit or not. Considering that I have a habit of 3 minute tempreature. Aha.. But tt's really, bad... /sigh Don't know what to do.. So.. fickle minded but it's cash we're toking abt.. so yea..

Hmm. 6 things abt me? Since Poodle's blog asked me to, I guess I shall.. Seems interesting enough. Dunno whether people know these things or not. Ah wad the heck.

1. I like Anime/Anime related things more than anything aside from friends/family and the likes.
2. I tend to be on the negative sides of things more than often but yet still be able to laugh it out.
3. I can be overly retarded/stupid/crazy at time but there are serious times also. I think.
4. I tend to be emo or cry or some other down mood after watching a touching or "something that touches my heart " Anime.
5. I love being in dark/peaceful/great places alone or with a small company.
6. I always think alot more than I need to. However, amazingly, I do not think at all most of the time.

Yes, Since I'm at it, I shall put in a number 7.

7. I am trying not to make all the 6 things revovling Anime.

As for the 6 people, I'm too lazy to think of who to ask so I'll just randomly take 6 names. Firo, Jem, Mad, Gin Yan, Kok and Delvin.

There we go. Ahahaha. Of course I won't put CERTAIN things in that 6 things. Or rather, I'm too lazy to actually phrase them out and let's just say, certain things are meant to be secrets. Aha. Of cos if you all wanna know, you've gotta force it out of me. lalalala..

Nitez.

Tired.

2007-08-14T23:22:00.001+08:00

Yea, well awarded sleep. wednesday rush brochure. tml's lab test which sucked.

gonna collect figurines still.

it's ARCUEID and not AH QUEK.

yes. it's onli a few sentence because blogger ate the rest of my post. this is actually the second time i'm typing this post. so i'm tired and lazy. pardon me.

bear out.

will give more info or sth tml or later...

Been so long..

2007-08-12T14:51:00.000+08:00

How long has it been since I last updated, hmmm. Dunno. Can't be bothered to count. Tomorow's submission day and Tuesday's another one. Sucks isn't it? Aha. I guess.

Been feeling tired recently. Really tired, want to sleep my ass off everyday. Maybe it's tiredness taking it's toll on me? Lol. Wadeva, jus plain tired. So, I've been saving for my figurines and is/still saving. Saw a few more that made me wanna buy but then, looking at my own poor flat wallet... I guess I should just stop pre-ordering. Considering that I still have WoW to play, $54 to pay back my mother and over a $100 for the ones I've pre-ordered. Damn. Need cash fast otherewise I won't be able to get the things I want. T_T

I guess i'm off to sleep it off.. nightz.

Pathetic-ness..

2007-07-28T22:47:00.000+08:00

Continuing from the class blog I guess..

I'm actually quite pathetic. To the extent that I do not have the right to be emo over things.. Because I'm pathetic, I give up easily.

Yesterday was the DSAG test. Apparently, those who know how I really did were Mario and Delvin. Thanks Rio for trying to get me going but still I gave up. /sigh.

Really did some thinking or maybe not... I guess I do not deserve anything especially being in this course. I have 0 talents and no other skills to back me up when going into industry. Unlike Firo who can draw even if he does not make it in programming. Not that I mean you won't/cannot make it, just using you as an example. Sorry. ><

Anyways, yea. I cannot do anything. Well, I tried writing but failed badly. Review were 8/4 I think. 8 chapters 4 Reviews.. Unlike others 16 chapters 106 Reviews. Or 54 Chapters 60 Reviews. Pathetic ain't I? I can't draw, can't write, can't program, can't do a shit. I'm just basically a good for nothing... Why I am still going to school? I should just go work my ass off, pay my parents back the cash and be a shut-in for life. Perhaps I should do that... /sigh..

I'm totally pathetic.

Guess I'll stop here. Not in mind to write.. Or rather I'm distracted by something else.. /sigh

current song - Spirited Away - Itsumo Nando Demo ~ Piano version ~

Something's broken.. Something's missing..

2007-07-17T10:25:00.000+08:00

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged my entry. I'm sorry. Been really busy with projects, school works, Cosfest and other things. Saturday's and Sunday's Cosfest were quite fun. Though Sat's one was small, many cosplayers were there. Sunday was a much bigger event, however, the crowded weren't as rar as last year. The performance were also pretty normal in a way.. Nontheless, I got some prints and managed to get for Ivan a pencil sketch from Toounit-san. Haha. So much for everything...

Weekends is going to be a little boring again, I guess. Now that everything's going to be over. Another project is on the way. Going to be crazily busy again I guess. Haha...

*
I really don't know anything. Or rather, I know yet I refuse to understand and refuse to accept it. Maybe something's broken in me. Maybe something's been broken since a long time ago, that is why I'm like this now. Maybe that something cannot be fixed... I don't know...

Which is the real me? Or every single one is me? I am so confused. Which one is really me? The one that enjoys his time with everyone in school? The one who likes to procrastinate until a crazy timing and then mug his ass off with his friends? Or the one who likes anime to a crazy extent that he "starves" himself to get the things he wanted? Perhaps the one where no one knows what is he doing behind the laptop screen alone? Maybe the one whose emotions are going crazy and do not know what to do? Or the one who wishes that he can be of use to people, that he can do something that he can deem that it is his? Or the one who just wants to slack and do retarded things to people/friends for no apparent reason? Or the one who is overly retarded and silly that he does stupid things for no reason and everyone laughs at him? Or the one who embarrasses himself but does not give a damn about things? Or the one who wishes to listen and help people but no one sees him or goes to him? Or the one who just sits by and wait for people to notice him? Or the one who is a dark figure and evil just waiting to be unleashed? Or...

There's just so many sides, I do not know which one is the real me anymore. Yet, I feel the ones that are really negative are the real me. Maybe they are. Since it is like so true and the rest are so fake. I do not know. Everything's a blur, everything's a mess. This is totally frustrating..

I wish I can just stay where I was/am. I wish time will just stop or turn back. I wish everything will just totally end. Coward but that's my true feelings, perhaps.. I just want to relieve those days where I thought can last forever, the feelings will never end but yet, they ended. Everything's gone. Yet, only me holds the memories and feelings together. I want to go back, I really want to.. But it's impossible. Yet, I try to relieve those memories. However, the feelings aren't the same without everyone... Watching a simple anime movie alone in the dark by the screen. So enjoyable yet so lonely.. So nostalgic yet so different.. I know my words don't work right. But still, that is how I feel. Perhaps, this is how it will be for the rest of my life. I'll have to live with it? I don't know. I do not want to really. But I can't...

Will I be able to do the things I want? Or is my passion just "3 minutes tempreature" (san fen zhong re du) Will I be really able to? I don't know...

I haven't really moved on have I? Since that time you told me that we have to move on, that many people want to rest for forever but can't because there are things they want unaccomplished or that I cannot put my determination and mind into them... It's been quite awhile hasn't it? Yet these words are stuck in my mind but in a distant memory. Selective remembering? I remember yet they are not applied. I'm sorry. Perhaps it's just me.. I know it's tiring for friends to see my like this and telling me the same thing over and over.. Being there is overly draining because of my this shit-ass attitude and perspective.. I apologize. If you want to give up on me, I do not mind much and I won't stop you. Because you're entitled to make this choice and that I know that you'll have to go through these things again and again. I do not want to bother you too much. If you want to give up, just do. Don't give me that you'll be there but when I need you, you're gone. I won't blame you for leaving or giving up on me because I do give up at times... I get what I deserved. So yea... Don't have to give it much thought... I'm pathetic anyways..

My perspective is blinded in many ways, I guess... I'm sorry...

Will I be able to do everything and anything at all for you? How long will my passion and love and etc. last? Perhaps everyone's right, I should just give up since my passion and etc. are all 3 minutes tempreature. I'm pathetic...

Maybe because I'm broken-ed...
*

Perhaps more tonight...

New hair cut.

2007-07-09T21:49:00.000+08:00

Just got my new hair cut. Seriously, IT'S SHORT!! argh.. gotta get used to it i guess. /sigh

Anyways, didn't blog for quite awhile i guess. haha.. went to cosfest last sat. It wasn't that good. But still able to pass. Got my rozen A4 print set. Collecting them on sunday. so yea. Gotta finish assignments. will update soon.

p.s. my hair is really really short..

SCREEN PROBLEM

2007-07-02T23:53:00.001+08:00

CRAP. MY LAPPY SCREEN HAS A PROBLEM!! GOING TO ACER THIS SATURDAY OR FRIDAY!!

I'm sorry Arcueid.

2007-06-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry Arcueid. Though I painstakenly saved the money to buy you. I cannot forgo my friends. I'm sorry..

No idea. What-so-ever...

2007-06-28T21:03:00.001+08:00

I'm back again... Sigh..

Just completed Maburaho the anime. Quite nice. Nice twist. Everything...

Been thinking through the stuffs that i've been doing and everything... I realized certain things i guess..

1. Everyone starts off small.

There is no way or maybe a very small way that someone will be famous or great by just one try. Everyone must climb their way up, slowly. It's quite foolish to give up just because of a little setback or lack of response from people. But that is what I have been doing. Sadly.

2. Everyone must know what they are doing or what they want

Everyone must know. If not there is no point in living. For me, I guess. I really do not know. I'm screwed.

3. Everyone has a personal value.

Self explanatory. I don't. I feel I'm pretty useless.

4. Friends are meant to come and go..

Really. But i don't wanna lose or forget anyone of you. Vice versa.

I guess at current, these are the things I realize. Sigh. I feel depressed...

nightz.

Disappointed.. some people.. some things.. should have known..

2007-06-27T20:21:00.000+08:00

in sch as of right now. Leaving soon.. Hmm..

Sometimes, there are just some people who know friends and forgets about them. TOTALLY. i admit that i do forget friends at times but not to the extent of being a stranger. However, there are some people and i should have known. Sadly.. Sigh. Disappointing though.

Disappointed. Disappointed. I should have known way before hand. Perhaps I'm being a retard. Maybe I'm too soft hearted. Maybe..

If returning someone's belongings after borrowing it for so long, is such a wrong thing to do. That i have nothing to say. Given the circumstances of losing contact and something else, i mean.. What The Fuck?! I'm already being considerate to try and contact the person but then this is the attitude I get.. Seriously FUCKED UP. =.= I known before hand this might happen but I didn't seriously think that this would happen.. ESPECIALLY TO YOU. totally disappointed. literally.. Perhaps, I should have jus taken more things from you and do not return. See how the fuck you feel since you dun appreciate me being considerate and concern about keeping your things. =.= I'm not flaring.. Just disappointed.. Sigh.. I'll make sure to get as many things from you as possible if given the chance again.. Sigh.. Disappointed.

***

People change. I do not expect anyone to actually stay the same. However, forgetting friends and having some attitude, is literally too much. Cannot believe I have seen such people and befriended them. If I had known, perhaps being more evil and more manipulative should be suitable. Forgetting friend, I do not mind. But having an attutide to a friend, is well... fucked up.

Childish as some may say for having such thoughts. But after going through 18 years of my life, you'll understand. Seriously.
**

Sometimes, there are just people like this is the world. As what Firo would say. "Shit Happens" However, too much shit can cause one's life to rot and be dead. It's literally stupid to hold any nostalgic remenisences to things that have passed. Things are just too retarded. The world don't appreciate it at all. Let alone certain friends.

I think I may have become a fool by holding nostalgic feelings. But I used to believe that was the best. I still do stand by what I believe. HOWEVER, I will and might change, considering how things go. I have an unknown side. More evil. I guess...

*

All of us have another side to us. Just that others do not see it. How we are really, only reveals when we're alone somewhere, where no one knows. I do not want to change what I believe. Seriously.

*

How long more can I sustain before I am out of my mind and start doing something retardedly evil that I actually hurt more people than I imagine OR hurt someone more badly than I imagine?

How long more before can I hold before I start lashing out at others?

How long more can I retain myself before I start tormenting people with revenge slowly?

How long more...

I do not know...

Gonez.

hmm

2007-06-24T23:39:00.001+08:00

Packed my room. Cleaned my poor figurines. I'm so sorry for neglecting you! Especially Arcueid and Aoko...

Finished DSAG left the last one, CMSK on the way to be finished and GADS is 80%? done? lol.. ahaha..

oyasumi

Dual Screens. Projects. Room packing.

2007-06-24T11:17:00.000+08:00

Ouiz. Right, the idea of dual screening.. GREAT. but den again.. I ain't got an LCD screen. Or rather, I have one but it's currently in use. Sigh. Ah well.

Ok. So GADS left with Pitch. DSAG left with error checking and wad not. CMSK, left with ppm. Other than that, i'm pretty fine.

I need more room for my room. That's a pun. ANYWAYS, ya, i need more space. Ain't got enough for an LCD screen, tt's one. My manga and figurines too. Er... A lot more... Guess i'll need to pack my room.

Hai. Sayonara.

feelings. emotions. wad the heck.

2007-06-21T03:40:00.000+08:00

Ok.. Was woken up by an unknown force again. It's happening of late that i'd wake up around this time. I do not know why. Maybe to check the status of my RO character ba.. but i dun really bother now..

i guess i'm a little pathetic on whether deciding the things i wan to when it comes down to matters of the heart. i'm totally powerless and tend to ask people to decide things for me.. completely uncool eh? i guess, i am that pathetic. thanks Kok and Fats for showing this to me about 5 min ago. I guess, i should follow my heart and what i really wan to do a little more rather than contemplating on what would happen. thanks.

to mei:
i'm sorry that i am 3 hours and perhaps a lot later to call and find out how are you. I may not be the first person you'll call and talk to or I may not even be in the "call and talk" category. But I still care bout you, despite what i've been telling myself. I cannot really go with the lies i'm feeding myself. But i'm here lyk i promised, and i jump into stupid situations without thinking. Guess i've said a little too much. Take care ya? I have more to say but i guess, certain things are best kept and left unsaid.. ha.

right. now. back. to. sleep.

nights.

once again, thx Fats and KW.

"Gomenasai. Dakara, watashi wa.. baka des. Demo..."

Broke.

2007-06-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

Ok.. i'm back from school.. spent a week's saving on the things i need and don't need.. geez.. i need to be WAY WAY WAY smarter on how i spend money..

So..

$14 - Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni Manga
$14 - Cab back
$10 - Membership
$10 - Ayu Tsukimiya Figurine
$4 - Lunch
$3 - Ta Bao sth
$4 - Strepsils

Grand Total: $59

So ya.. lol.. wad i spent.. I'd save $14 more if i didn't cab back. $4 if i didn't lunch. $3 i didn't ta bao..so i'd have additional $21 to spend.. ah well.. for a good cause.. The Ayu Figurine costs $72 excluding the $10 deposit. So yea.. I need save $72.. Sigh.

Oh yea. My Arcueid Brunestune was no more.. SADDED.. ah well.. i'll find it somewhere somehow.. wahahaha.. saw the Fate Testarossa Figurine. $123.. WHOO.. need more cash.. aha..

So now my Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni Manga Collection is complete at the moment. lol.

I'm a happy guy despite being broke. I still can go out! I have additional cash reserves! =D so yea.. *hints*

right. now i'll sleep happy.

nightz.

Sleep. sleep. SLEEP.

2007-06-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

sleep. probably the best thing in the world. i've not been getting much of it. sadly.. feeling feverish thanks to that. ah well. whether or not i'm sick, i wont die that easily. perhaps. perhaps not. aha. heck.

right.. hmm.. jus read something that made me think.

"what you want will never end. what is most important, is that you live a happy life."

it's kinda true. no matter how contented we are, we always want more. i guess.. for me at least. i need to save loadsa cash.. for the things i want.. aha.. perhaps perhaps..

i'm tired. so nightz.

i'll always be here for you. no matter what. this is my promise to you.

To-get-list
Busou Renkin Manga - $50
Arcueid Figurine - $70(?)
Tsukimiya Ayu Figurine - $80+
Fate Testorossa Figurine - $100+
Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Manga - Watagnoshi-hen - - $20+

This are what i'm intending to get for starters.. sadly.. it all amounts to over $320++ gosh.. i'm broke.. i guess.. it's time to save.. i will save.. i hope..

ahahaha..

nightz.

title-less...

2007-06-15T23:38:00.000+08:00

this is wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. TOTALLY WRONG...

things aren't meant to be like this.. things aren't suppose to be like this.. this cannot be correct.. this has to be a mistake.. everything is wrong..

USOU USOU USOU USOU USOU-DA!!!!!!!

This really cannot be happening.. can i?

guess it is possible..

maybe..

it's time..

sigh..

nightz..

damned emotions..

2007-06-15T00:46:00.001+08:00

someone jus take away these damned emotions.. these damned feelings.. someone jus kill it..

no mather what i do, the damage is done already.. there's no way to change it, no matter how much i wish for it..

i'm the worst..

afterall, i'm the stupid one again..

to a person dear to me:

soon, the rift between us will be too deep to be taken away. too deep to be patched. u'll end up hating me in the end. perhaps... i guess.. but that's the consequences that i will receive.. i'm prepared.. somehow. i'll watch over you still.. even if you hate me. that's jus wad i deserve.. i'm really... sorry... for everything.. especially this rift between us..

don't bother guessing who is it. its's someone any of you least expect. u'll never get it.. so don't try and don't ask.. i won't say..

i'm the worst..

out cold..

tired yet restless

2007-06-13T23:48:00.000+08:00

Back.. now my left leg has quite a big hole.. just cut away the blister.. geez.. i hate that hole.. hope it quickly heals..

anyways.. had fun today.. haha.. dunno wad to write.

i feel tired.. yet so restless.. i hate looking at my computer screen now.. i'm sry..

nightz..

reminiscence

2007-06-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

reminiscence. a word that i so hate. recalling the past memories. thinking back on what has happened over the previous years. there's this sense of sourness inside, like i wished i had never known that person. if i didn't know that person, perhaps i won't be like this. but if i didn't, there'd be so many things, i wouldn't have.

it sucks really. to know that that person is somewhere out there, that there are so many chances of meeting yet pracically zero. Near yet far huh... I guess so. Though arguments were common, times were fun. If only... i had been thru to my feelings huh... Things may have been a different story. If only i had gotten out of my shell earlier, things would have been much more fun...

I guess that that person waiting a little too long... a little too much... that's why this happened.. reminiscence... What am i doing? i said i didn't want to think or brood over the past anymore.. yet this is happening.. i can't really forget everything, can i?

Things would have definitely been better, if i got out of it fast..

Perhaps, things would still change if i did it now?

Will things be better or worse?

If given one chance, i guess... I'd do it. Just to know the truth of everything...

I'm sorry...

random

2007-06-12T00:55:00.001+08:00

These few days have been quite hectic thanks to IN3D. Now that it is over, everything should be a little slower pace.. Sent Ah Gong (Dao Rong) off yesterday. For 10 weeks, he'll be overseas. Somehow, things aren't the same without him. Really. It ain't. Can't put much into words. Sigh. Though, I guess.. I dunno.. Jus feel funny.

Kinda sleepy today. I wonder why.. so tired..

Haruhi Dance - Hare Hare Yukai. For the win...

good night..

tired

2007-06-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

went to ah gong's house to camp to finish on maya modeling. I'm now left with documentation. WHEEE.. dead tried..

Finished Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori.. Really nice except for the last few episodes where people went crazy and all. Enma Ai died in the end, quite saddening..

dunno wad to write.. i wanna sleep!!

nite

Maya.. And a whole lot more..

2007-06-08T00:44:00.000+08:00

Ok.. I'm officially going to flunk the 3D modelling project because I suck at it badly. The body or shirt of my model is pissing me off. But then again, it's school project and I have about less than 3 days to finish it.. Ok, I will finish it. Whether I'll pass or not is a different story.

Anyways, watched Suckerboys (Mad's version of Waterboys). Had a good laugh and a good way to spend a boring 1.5hours in school. It's really funny, considering all the random things that is in it. Haha.

Watched 10 episodes of Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori. Not bad, in fact, better than the first. Some thoughts came to my mind while watching...

Hatred can be a good driving force. However, it mostly leads to a bad end where both will just suffer. Be it death or any other way.

Being afraid of changes and not adapting or staying at the same spot, is a pretty dumb thing to do, i guess.. Time will not stop and while you are being absorbed in your own little world, people move on. Despite changes, if you're afraid and do not accept them, suffering and sadness may follow. Especially when in relationships. Afraid of changes and afraid of going on to the next step, will cause both parties to suffer. When the feeling is there in both parties, yet one refuses to accept it. Both will suffer.

Having no courage to apologize to people for your own wrong doings, can cause others to stumble and suffering for yourself.

Holding a grudge against others, will only cause great misery and pain to yourself and the other party. Learn to let go and move on...

Anger can cause people to do stupid things. As stupid as killing someone over a scratched car or a spilt coffee. Though these incidents are too far-fetched, but anger indeed cause people to do stupid things at times...

I guess there are many different things that go through my mind. All these actually speak true to me. Well, most of them. Then again, will I learn from these thoughts of mine or will i be stubborn.. I hope sometimes, things get sinked into my head.. Haha.. Been thinking quite awhile lately... I guess..

Nights.

Starry Night

2007-06-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching anime and i'm about to go to sleep soon.. Haha.. Manabi Straight! is a nice anime and Byosoku 5cm.. The art style is really really BEAUTIFUL.. really.. i was taken aback when i first saw the trailer and when i watched the anime, it's really really nice. However, the DVD version is better though. HAHA. nice story too.

A thought popped in my head after dinner with the guys. How good will it be if Singapore can see the great starry skies in the night. It's really beautiful and sort of tranquil. I feel i can watch the night sky the whole night if given the chance. Really, i cannot describe it..

Haha.. I've realized that being single i guess, has its own advantages. I get time to do my nonsensical and pointless things. I get to fool and joke around lyk a retarded around you guys and all. I guess, this is why certain things i can get over it quickly.. I guess we all like to do pointless things once in a while in our lives. Be it meaningful or not to others', to us, it's something that we like therefore we can find meaningful.. Be it joking around, being a complete baka or others. These little things can be meaningful in their own way..

I guess perhaps.. maybe.. i'm saying nonsense again but this is how i really feel.. maybe it's abit short to say anything, cause my head's hurting and i wanna sleep.. perhaps, i'll say more tomorrow.. or sth.. till then. nights.

Life? Dreams? Kanon...

2007-06-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

Just finished the anime, Kanon this morning. I had a few thoughts since yesterday but i didn't want to pen it down. I wanted to settle and re-arrange some thoughts before I pen it here.

I guess.. Life is life because it has many ups and downs, shits and everything.. If it didn't, it would be called a Dream instead. A dream is where anything and everything goes according to plan or is smooth going. It is because of the pains, hurts, joys, sorrows and others that i know i am alive and that this is life. If everything were to be too smooth going though i wished it could, i'd seriously think that i'm in a dream. I dunno, i know my defination is 100% wrong.. but this is how i feel, i guess..

I feel afraid sometimes, when good things happen to me.. Especially when things are some times too good to be true or just.. too good for me. It really scares me because i know i'll be hurt in some way or another when it's gone. but yet, i gladly accept it.. aha.. i'm talking nonsense again..

perhaps i will blog more later.. can't think.. haha..

"Miracles do not happen that easily. That is why they are called Miracles. However, when they do happen, we sometimes take them for granted..."

I'm sorry.. So sorry... Sigh..

Bored..

2007-06-03T11:25:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blooging much lately.. Or daily i guess.. Things been boring.. REALLY boring.. my one paper exam period is just tomorrow.. I guess it dun really matter.. but still.. yea.. i'm bored.. and i mean.. really really bored.. think i'll blog more later tonight or something.. geez.. i have nothing to do.. anyone who wants to come and entertain me. kindly do so.. i'll appreciate it.. thanks..

suddenly.. i have this craving for takoyaki.. really.. i wanna eat it.. oh yea.. my Higurashi manga.. all 4 of them.. 2 from 1 company.. the other 2 from another.. one has an age limit for 18yr olds.. geez.. wonder why.. ah well..

tata

By request of the Captain

2007-06-02T02:35:00.000+08:00

By request from the Captain or however u phrase request as long as it's NICELY! I've done these quizzes.. Some of them are not true for me.. really.. lol.. yea.. here are the results..

You Are the Ego

You take a balanced approach to your life.
You definitely aren't afraid to act out on your desires - even crazy ones.
But you usually think first. Morals drive you as much as hedonism does.
You've been able to live a life of pleasure... without living a life of excess.

Are You Id, Ego, or Superego?

Your Love Quote

True love stories never have endings.

What Love Quote Suits You?

You Can Make 71% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.
Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!
As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

Can You Make Anyone Fall in Love With You?

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 65%

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is High

You have a great understanding of who you are, and your place in the world.
You know what path you're on. And you are excited about your future.
You're always deepening your inner knowledge and introspection. And enjoying it every step of the way.

How Does Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Rate?

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

What is Your Life Rated?

Your Love Is Represented By a Red Rose

You love passionately and fully, without any reservations.
And while romantic love comes easily for you, you also love many people platonically.
You are a true romantic, and you always can see the best in people.

What Rose Represents Your Love?

Your Power Bird is a Swan

You are a truly graceful and gorgeous creature.
You easily see beauty in yourself and others.
Intuitive and in touch, you can often guess what the future will bring.
And you're flexible enough to accept the changes that life has in store for you.

What's Your Power Bird?

You Are the Ace of Diamonds

You are a lucky person, and you always seem to find yourself surrounds by pretty, shiny things.
You have a knack for success and money - though your skills can't really be learned or taught.

You shine in a room, and you a have a truly sparkling personality.
A true extrovert, you always are able to share a witty joke or the latest scandalous gossip.

While you do have an eye for bling, you are also quite generous.
A lot of wealth and luck comes your way. And you're not afraid to pass it on.

A gamble you should take: Sports betting

Your friends would describe you as: Captivating

Your enemies would describe you as: Greedy

If you lived in Vegas, you would be: A trophy wife or husband

What Playing Card Are You?

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

Your Love Life is Like Titanic

"Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless."

You think that you only really have one true love in your life. And that you better to anything and everything to be with that person.
You tend to be very nostalgic about past loves that didn't work out. There are many secret feelings that you keep to yourself.

Your love style: Deep and emotional

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Bittersweet

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

You Are a Believer

You definitely believe in God - and you're very unwavering in your religious beliefs.
In fact, religion and spirituality are definitely big parts of your life.
Religion shapes how you view right and wrong, as well as the decisions you make.
It's hard for you to imagine how your life would be without your beliefs.

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

Music Box and A set of Piano Collections..

2007-06-02T01:08:00.000+08:00

It's been a day two days since it happened.. I guess.. Peeps around me like Fats, KW, Samuel, Da Sao, Rio, Burn and Gongz.. Thanks for being there ba.. Somehow.. one way or another.. thanks alot.. really..

Even though i said i've recovered, inside.. it still hurts.. the sourness is still there.. maybe slowly these will fade.. no.. not maybe.. time is not going to stop for me anymore.. it's been one time too long... i guess.. the reason why i cant think properly i guess.. is becos my time has stopped.. and the choices i made to erase certain memories.. is affecting me badly.. i feel light headed, and unusually high.. and i can't think straight.. i can't remember things for long.. i guess.. this is how i'm affected.. can't feel so much.. can't cry or get angry for a long time.. everything.. i guess it's cos of the choices i made.. it's time to move on.. time to get my world/time/self moving already.. ahaha.. i guess... it's time..

though my wishes are clear.. and i know what i wan to do.. i'll jus be myself.. doing wad i wan. wad i lyk.. haha..

all i'd wan now. is a music box. and a set of piano collections. haha.. continue to blog tomorrow..

nitez..

titleless..

2007-06-01T00:18:00.000+08:00

i dunno.. i really dunno.. everything stopped at 12 midnight.. the competition was scrapped.. i got flared at despite i did nothing.. i ran out of cash.. some event happened.. and yet, i know what must i do.. and everything.. yet, i feel so.. lost.. pity that the competition had to be scrapped.. didn't rush in time.. can't blame anyone.. but myself.. if onli i had it done earlier.. if onli i had known earlier.. it'd be submitted and perhaps a chance to win.. a chance.. bleh..

probably i'll be sleeping earlier.. way too early.. or i'm not sleeping.. or maybe.. later.. i dunno.. but wad i know is that i wan to put this song here..

In the Sky - Hashimoto Miyuki (Nerine/Lycoris) - Shuffle!

Hajimete kizuku hamon no oto ni
Sono toki wa mada tomadou bakari de
Hirogatte yuku sazanami-tachi wa
Ima mo tsuzuku keredo

Anata no shigusa　　　Anata no koe o
Hitotsu hitotsu omoidashite mireba
Nazeka fushigi ni shizumaru minamo
Kanjite imasu

Ima wa tada tsunagitometai
Hitotsu demo ooku no kizuna
Mada mienai negai no ito
Aru to shinjite......

Ano kumo no you ni hanarete ite mo
Itsuka kitto kasanari yuku
Onaji sora kara　　　Kaze no yukue o
Sagashitsuzukemasu......

Hajimete kyori no nakunatta toki
Kono omoi taisetsu ni sakasetai
Demo hanareru to nagarete shimau
Aenai setsunasa e to

Anata no kodou　　　Anata no netsu o
Itsumo sugu ni omoidaseru you ni
Watashi no mune ni takusan no hibi
Nokoshite hoshii

Garasu no yurikago no naka no
Tsutaerarenai kotoba sae
Uketomete kureru anata to
Yume no tsuzuki o......

Ano hoshi no you ni hatenaku tooku
Kurai yoru ni tsutsumarete mo
Tashika na hikari　　　Sono atatakasa
Shinjitsuzukemasu......

Ano tsuki no you ni michikakete yuku
Michi wa tabun yasashikunai
Sore de mo kitto　　　Towa ni anata o
Aishitsuzukemasu......

Er... Huh? What issit again..

2007-05-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

Just finished watching additional 3 episodes of Kanon.. I'm taking my anime pace slow this time.. lol.. but yea.. Episode 10 was kinda.. depressing for me.. I already knew what was going to happen already from the last time i watched it.. So i avoid it.. But i decide to continue it today.. Haha.. but yea.. depressed for awhile.. after that i recovered.. bah.. somehow.. i find.. that Kanon has a special meaning for each arc there is.. or at least.. character when they disappear.. i jus caught it but i'm not too sure.. i'll have to finish it to know.. aha.. i guess..

i've already made up my mind... i've onli less than a month.. to do anything.. probably.. unless i decide to do some other things which i didn't plan for.. or asked for advice from some people.. but nonetheless, it's set. onli time will tell.. i know wad i must do.. it's the onli thing that i can do i guess.. sigh..

thanks to everyone who is there when i need you.. or actually.. jus being there and here in my life.. really.. i'm stubborn in my views and it took great pains for some of you to change it.. i appreciate it.. thank again..

* no matter what happens... i'll make sure... it's a 100%... no more.. half assed.. nonsense... *

probably.. the worst...

2007-05-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

i'm probably the worst person to do projects with.. my english sucks.. it often needs rephrasing when other people reads it.. my powerpoint sucks.. though i think it's ok.. practically.. i can do the things people want me to do.. but in the end.. it get a major makeover or sth.. i guess.. i suck at this kind of things..

today's probably the worst day also.. my foot has blisters.. my newly bought pants, the pocket has a hole.. i seem to trip over things now and then.. my head is light headed.. and i'm.. i dunno.. can't think of anything else to say already.. come to think of it.. this is my daily life.. quite sad isn't it? i guess so too..

dunno wad's going on anymore..

this sucks..

i can't seem to think...

nightz.

i guess..

I live!!

2007-05-29T10:01:00.000+08:00

finally.. after.. camping at kok's place ytd.. i guess.. i'm pretty much.. dead.. still tired.. but.. still.. everything.. will.. be.. settled.. soon.. very.. soon...

i wont wait any longer i guess.. if i do.. time and chance.. will pass me by.. yet.. again...

i'm.. a.. fool...

2007-05-27T19:04:00.000+08:00

i'm a fool.. and i can't do everything right.. after everything.. i realize how much distrust i have among everyone.. among everything.. i can't even believe myself when i said it.. but i guess, i've been harbouring everything since i dunno when.. just that i guess i flared or sth yesterday.. i snapped.. and i guess.. regret is the onli thing i have? i don't know.. really.. i don't even know what to anymore.. i'm at a lost.. totally.. more lost than ever.. sighz..

i wan to apologize to you really.. to think that i even suspected you... when u're jus so good.. to me.. i guess i'm really afraid to trust again or sth.. i'm.. a fool.. sighz..

i'm a fool and nothing but a fool.. sighz..

i'm.. sorry... " au huw " .. so.. sry..

thoughts.. part 2...

2007-05-27T03:16:00.000+08:00

i don't know.. been thinking.. AGAIN.. but well.. to be frank i'm always wondering i guess.. but i cant write it anywhere.. becos i wont.. and i cant.. sighz.. but perhaps.. i can say is.. i'm nth but a dumbass fker.. a useless piece of shit.. not to mention.. worthless.. hopeless.. pointless.. and wadeva that i've missed out.. been saying that for the past few years.. indeed.. when i look back and now.. indeed.. i've been everything that i've mentioned and more.. i dun deserve anything.. i dun deserve anyone.. wad i do deserve are my punishments.. for my sins.. the haunting of them.. and the guilt.. which i will have to carry around no matter wad.. i guess.. yes.. i've returned to my negative point of views lately.. or shld i say.. um.. i dunno.. lol.. forget it.. i suck at expressing myself.. but really.. i'm everything.. that i've said.. i'm not wad people view me as.. if they view me as that.. perhaps it's rite i guess.. i am lyk that.. sighz..

i realize that i lyk to say i guess.. i dunno why.. but it's my habit i guess.. sigh..

" perhaps after everything and anything.. i should just die.. for i don't deserve anyone or anything.. i don't even deserve to exist.. for my existence.. is jus of annoyance.. irritantance.. and perhaps destruction.. i'm nth at all.. furthermore.. after everything.. i dun deserve you... the mark of my sins.. will be these.. and my punishments will be the haunting of my mistakes and guilt.. the scars are there.. and the mark is there.. sigh.. revenge is bitter sweet.. yet i cannot bring myself to do it.. why? i don't know... perhaps.. i really dun deserve u at all... "

thoughts..

2007-05-27T01:22:00.000+08:00

it's been quite some time since i last saw my old layout and my old blog.. i guess it's true.. i've unknowingly sealed certain memories for quite awhile.. i didn't recall anything until i read further.. been awhile.. since i felt this way.. it jus shows.. that i havent.. really realized anything.. or rather.. grown from anything.. i guess.. i'm stuck.. perhaps.. lots of thoughts have been thru my mind.. guess.. i'll relocate soon.. or sth.. it dun really matter much does it.. perhaps it dun at all.. i know jus where to.. i guess..

what happens when snow melts?

titleless.. again..

2007-05-27T00:56:00.001+08:00

been awhile.. since i last post.. i'm still contemplating and i guess i will always consider before i make my final choice for revenge i guess.. it's too.. good to let it go.. yet it's evil.. to continue it.. sighz.. i dunno.. been thinking for quite some time.. thoughts, emotions and wadeva keep coming.. been thinking hell alot.. not that i'll say it here.. or even say it out.. guess it'll only be kept to me and me onli.. pehaps.. if there is.. i'll find someone to.. but.. not at current.. i still dunno who.. or wad to do.. cos..my emotions are at a mess.. literally a mess.. perhaps i shall sleep now.. it's too.. quiet... and peaceful..

i like the silence and yet i hate it.. i lyk the darknesst but yet i dislike it.. is my life full of contradictions of my own?

Revenge is bitter sweet.. ain't it..

2007-05-25T01:18:00.000+08:00

Revenge is bitter sweet.. ain't it? My plans are in motion.. I have what I need.. Now is whether I want to initiate it.. i don't know.. I'm contemplating whether i should go ahead or not.. i dunno.. i'm torn.. though i wan to go ahead.. destroying a person.. completely.. is not what i wan.. but yet.. i so wish for it.. that that person should jus be destroyed.. he should be.. i guess..

please forgive me.. for excuting this revenge.. for even starting it.. i'm sry..

been awhile..

2007-05-24T07:41:00.000+08:00

it's been a awhile since i last blogged.. i apologize.. anyways.. i'm jus slacking and rotting.. i have yet to do wad i need to do becos i fell asleep while thinking wad to do with what i need to do.. geez.. there's a 3D test today.. so gonna flunk it.. bleh.. anyways.. i will do wad i need to do soon i guess.. aha..

ooo yea.. yesterday on my way to dinner saw lynette mei.. dunno why.. i didn't notice her.. she said hi to me again.. guess i'm really blind.. not to see my cute and kawaii mei mei.. aha.. but yea.. wanted to disturb her but didn't cos i had to meet my friends.. lol.. yea.. after that had dinner..

* rants or thoughts? *

it hurts badly to like or love someone with a time limit doesn't it? knowing that u have only a certain period of time before everything ends.. before everything is over.. what will you still do? will you continue lyking that person or will you give up? will you make your move or will you jus stand and watch? i really don't know at all.. really.. been asked this a long time ago.. but i never really found the answer.. will i be able to withstand rejection? no i can't.. even if i said i could.. will i be able to make my move.. i don't know.. really.. i don't know.. my heart had a bitter sweet pain/tune ringing in it.. yesterday that is.. for some reason.. it just hurt... perhaps i'm thinking too much.. i really don't know.. or rather.. i dun wanna know..

it really hurts.. to like/love someone.. with.. a time limit... knowing.. that.. everything.. is.. gonna.. end.. and the.. impossible.. is at.. hand..

sighz..

* end *

will go do my work.. bye bye..

i aint got anything to say..

2007-05-21T01:43:00.001+08:00

Dunno why am i still up.. dunno why am i still awake at this time.. dunno why everything's happening.. dunno anything.. bleh.. i'm really tired i guess.. i'll be sleeping...zzzzz..

er. title-less

2007-05-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

jus reached home not long ago.. had bball... been a yr plus since i played.. gosh.. i sucked badly.. ah well.. lol.. had fun.. yea.. haha.. thanks everyone.. jus being here around me.. haha..

now hooked to the song Sweet Sixteen - Hilary Duff.. I dunno.. just got hooked on it.. it's a nice song.. i guess.. haha..

i will be happy.. and i will be..

tt'll will be all for now.. aha..

bored..

2007-05-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

ok.. i'm bored now.. will unlock my blog after one or two more posts.. been thinking alot and still thinking.. rite.. nitez

No idea for title.. Black and White Part 2..

2007-05-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

Ok... just decided to blog after returning home since 3hrs ago.. right.. my stomach still hurts and vomitting symptoms are still there.. heck.. it's better than 2 days ago.. aha.. dun bother.. today.. nth much happened.. i guess.. i dun think there is ba.. hmmm

** start of rants **

i'm sry for being irritating, annoying and troublesome.. tt's who i am.. i'm sry for being too noisy.. self-centered.. and wadeva i cannot think of or remembered that you said or will say.. that's jus me.. after so many years of wad happened.. this is my response.. this is my answer.. this is what i've become.. i cannot change that.. it has been decided.. 2 yrs ago.. along with my dark past that came along.. 1 yr ago.. everything is me.. and my fault.. everything.. and anything that i do.. is always wrong.. and i deserve nothing.. but trashing.. i'm used to it alr.. totally.. used.. to it.. i guess.. i dunno anything anymore.. sigh.. this.. is.. wad.. i am.. i guess..

i wont tell certain people abt what happened to me.. becos i cannot trust or there are othe reasons that i dun wanna say.. my past is not of one to be proud of.. but if ppl asked.. i will say.. the right people that is.. sry.. to those tt i chose not to say.. maybe the time isn't right.. dun feel bad.. i do trust u and all.. time isn't right.. tt's all.. sigh.. sry..

i dunno wad to think anymore.. really.. i dunno wad to do.. i jus wanna sleep for forever.. becos this useless, weak, annoying, irritating, noisy and wadeva me.. is of no use.. at all.. sigh..

** end? **

For people that i do not know well or wad to say.. i'm sry! u all are really special to me.. but i cannot put it in words!! sry!! dun feel hurt or anything!! no hard feelings!! sry!!

Delvin: Spazz-king.. Funny.. Funny.. Funny.. lol.. nothing else to say.. dun really know u well too..

Ivan: DM for DnD.. Great artist.. Really great artist.. Nice story-writer also.. Really.. likes cheese, chocolate.. cake perhaps? just lyk wad i lyk also.. aha.. dunno wad to say also.. he's funny too..

Gin Yan: Xiao Yan Zi!! Golden mouth also.. once he opens.. u die!! aha.. really.. i kena shot alot liao.. but he's fun to be with.. really.. dunno much also.. grrr..

Nick: Sad that he left us.. he's going to NS this december.. our class KNIFER and great person also.. he's super funny.. kind.. and more funny.. makes me feel at home no matter where he is.. sadly.. he's no longer with us.. wish u were back with us.. really.. he's super positive also.. hehehehehehe

Matin: Another person who left us.. he's funny.. lyks metal.. and super slow.. dunno u well.. but a great friend.. always kena tortured by nick though haha.. wish u were back with us also..

JC: first person to leave us.. dunno him much.. but he's cool to be with.. really..

Joycelyn: My FA.. now currently always being ebil to me and bullying me.. she's nice to tok to.. though she's ebil at times.. aha.. funny.. funny and more funny.. lol.. dunno much leh..

Ben: My FA also.. dunno wad to say.. jus a great pal.. really!!

Pei Qi: Fellow empire member.. and OL.. great person.. dunno wad to say also..

Ke Xian: Funny to be with.. dunno wad to say also.. aside from fellow empire mate and OL..

Samuel: fellow empire mate.. dunno wad say neh.. always got the sian face..

Eddy: Same as samuel..

Izan: Also..

Huihui: Also..

Shawn: Also..

Berlinda: First person to know my secret and spread it to my empire mates.. heh heh.. think i dunno!! ha.. but great friend.. dunno much though.. lol..

Yanda: Also..

Katherine: My LT head.. dunno much.. but funny..

CK: AHAHAHA!! U ar!!! Slacker also.. but ya.. great person to talk to at time.. lol.. nth much to say leh.. dunno u well.. grrr..

Melvin: dunno wad to say.. lol..

Xiang Yun: DAO SAO!! She's unba high!! can get really HIGH.. SUPER ENERGETIC.. always laughing when around us.. funny.. never tok to her though.. so dunno much.. my empire mate also..

Yuan Ling: My empire mate.. funny person.. really.. funny.. also bullying me also.. but i no evidence.. always scolding me wu liao.. other than tt.. dunno wad to say.. lol..

Melvin: dunno wad to say..

Chee Keong: Another buddy.. but i dunno wad to say.. funny though.. sry abt ur lappy!!

Jonathan: HAHA.. funny funny funny!!! er... dunno much le.. except intsc head..

Jonathan: Also..

Zen: funny.. also dunno much leh..

Leon: Funny dude.. GREAT ghost stories.. nice guy.. dunno much.. funny.. oh ya.. make us lose out munchkin card.. ALMOST that is..

Simon: BJ BJ BJ!! HAHAHA.. think i wrote abt u liao.. lol..

Kian Hui: his dad knows my grandmother.. lives at the same block as my grandmother.. really co-incidental.. lol.. BUA BUA BUA!! going into ns liao.. must bua ur hair/head.. hehe

Wesley: Our president.. club tt is.. lol.. most bin count.. kena bin on bdae head first.... sadly.. i dun really tok to u.. lol.. sry.. he's a computer freak.. knows loadsa IT stuff.. funny dude.. aha..

ok la.. i cannot remember liao.. either i met u all but i dunno well.. but i do remember u all ok!! but pity dunno u all well.. if i do write.. it'll be repeative.. lol.. SRY!!! dun hate me!! REALLY!! u all are REALLY SPECIAL TO ME IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!! THANKS FOR BEING IN MY LIFE.. aha..

lastly.. but not least..

Si Jie: I know i written abt u b4 le.. but never say ur special gift rite? aha... re-capping.. she is one special person i met for the first time.. really.. she is able to make people remember certain feelings.. certain important feelings to them.. or at least she did to me.. really.. she has that ability.. it's really a unique and good kind.. remembering certain feelings before it is too late.. can help to stop deep hurts and regrets.. really.. though i regretted.. but i remembered feelings that are important to me.. really..

tt's your special ability.. even if u dunno it.. u have it.. really.. not only that.. u are able to draw ppl towards you because of ur special ability.. u are able to cry when u wan to also.. i envy that.. and that u are quite courageous and strong to be able to do that.. haha.. really.. nice person also.. to tok to.. to have fun with.. known to me as the cute cute one.. since i know u but not ur name first.. pullable face.. anime style.. kawaiiiii.. lol.. really.. but ya.. special person.. special person.. i'm brain dead for words.. already.. aha.. special person.. really..

** end **

tt's all i can remember ba.. next time maybe say more.. abt others.. haha..

nitez..

headache.. headache.. headache..

2007-05-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

ok.. i'm having a severe headache now.. and blogger decides to eat my posts.. been suffering with a stomach ache this morning and now plagued with headache since 5pm today.. sigh.. gonna knock out soon.. the 2 pains are killing me..

i will continue the special people list.. not today.. and for those who are able to read these entries.. u are whom i trust alot.. cos.. when people read alr.. what they say/think to me.. are not sincere cos it may be out of pity or sth.. i dun lyk tt.. tt's why i'm locking my blog.. dun worry.. it's not lyk i'm locking it forever.. jus for these few entries.. i trust you alot.. if you are able to read this.. because u are special.. thanks for being there..

nitez..

black.. and.. white..

2007-05-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

I've just returned from "dinner" with my friends.. had a few drink.. perhaps.. abt 4 - 5 cups but i feel all right.. after closing one of my eye for awhile.. i'm all right already.. i still can go for another few rounds.. not boasting or anything.. but i really feel all right and wan to go for another few rounds.. sadly.. cash is a problem.. sigh.. if there is no project and $$ is not a problem.. i'd go for more.. but ya.. no $$ no time.. no nth.. sadded..
** start of rant? **
seriously.. i dunno... perhaps i should avoid drinking sessions.. i remember things too easily.. even if asked.. i'd jus say.. nothing much to there.. u wanna know.. jus ask.. and i dun mind sharing.. i'm the kind of dun really bother much about things now.. if u decide to shun me or break of ties/friendship with me.. i'll jus take note.. cos it jus shows that u're not a good friend? i feel that way.. i dun really bother much.. 17 yrs of breaking friendship, forming new ones, getting betrayed, breaking friendship again.. i'm used to it already.. nothing can really bring me to my tears anymore.. my true tears... the point when i really break down.. nothing can bring me to that state already i guess.. as i've said.. the most i can break down is jus one minute and be all right again.. tt's why i envy ppl who can cry when they want to.. 17 - 18 years.. it's been enough.. it's enough to turn me into something that no one knows.. it is enough to nurture a split personality that no one knows.. it's more than enough to have dual personalities.. that amount of time.. things can happen.. i guess..
i dunno.. after yesterday's talk with a certain someone.. i realized already.. what i'm missing.. but things that hold true.. stay true.. i'm jus an ordinary person.. living an ordinary life.. it's all that i ask for i guess.. if i can off myself now, perhaps i will.. perhaps i wont.. my dual personalities are conflicting with each other.. i dun really know.. been a long while since this happened.. since i took such a perspective at things.. perhaps.. i didn't really change.. perhaps.. all i did was jus pretend.. i didn't really grow up at all.. i'm jus.. pretending that i did.. perhaps..
i'm fine.. really.. even if there is no alcohol, i'd feel this way.. cos it's already etched my mind.. it's already there.. this is onli a reactant to hasten the thinking.. so i'm sober.. as i've said.. don't worry.. if i'm drunk.. i'd be knocked out in my bed after bathing regardless whether my hair is wet or not.. so yea..
back to the topic.. i guess i'm really ordinary.. though i have no idea how the hell i got here.. how the hell i'm here.. how the hell.. these things are here.. no matter.. i still wish for it though.. my deepest wish.. is actually for assurance.. or re-assurance that i'm ok.. that i'm special.. that i'm not ordinary.. becos.. i dun wanna be ordinary.. honestly.. i hate it.. becos i feel so damn useless.. so many unique.. special people around.. so many.. extra-ordinary people around me.. it jus hurts to be ordinary.. tt's why what i want is assurance.. what i wish for is reassurance..
i know it's been a long time since that incident with her.. but honestly.. though i've let go already.. though it's been clear that i know what must be done.. sometimes.. i think that i am not what i wan me to be.. i'm doing something that i do not want in the dark.. it's obvious.. it's freaking obvious.. perhaps.. i should jus pass away.. i should jus die.. i dunno.. sigh.. dun wan to brood on this topic though.. it's been awhile already..
anyways.. lyk i've said.. i've met extra-ordinary people.. perhaps.. i'll list them here.. though it sucks to be ordinary.. i guess..
Dao Rong: Perhaps the oldest person in my group of friends now.. Aside from her.. But well, he is special in all aspect.. Unba intelligent, unba kindness and age perhaps.. but well, he is special.. Although being smart, he is still kind and generous.. Not taking advantage of that really. But that the side of him.. Though unable to do certain things, he do not resent it but yet, join in by other means.. Also, he care for others like he cares for himself.. meaning that he looks out for others alot.. Has an "ebil" side though.. with crazy interrogations and all.. but he's fun to be with.. his special ability is that he is able to care unconditionally for others.. also, he is able to protect the ones that he deems closest to him or his good friends.. good leader also.. There's more than that.. perhaps.. i'm not close enough to know more.. but this is the general special abilities that he has..
Mario: The one that i deem as joker yet charismatic.. he is able to draw people to him.. He is also able to speak how he feel and has broad perspective of things.. never fails to amaze me with his thinkings though some is quite expected.. able to care for friends and be serious at times when he's needed to.. though carefree, he looks out for others.. also, he is able to speak directly into the hearts of people through his own ways and change their thinking through certain ways.. That's his special ability.. Also, he is a good guitarist and many more..
Kok Wei: The pirate of our class.. usually straight forward and funny at times.. loyal to friends who gains his trust.. never fail to stand by his principles no matter what.. also, though last minute, when the occasion arrives, he will be serious and finish everything that needs to be done no matter what.. He is able to watch out for his friends and stay true to them no matter what.. That's his special abilitiy..
Perhaps i should that jus saying that those are their special abilities.. it gets annoying.. aha.. back to topic..
Samuel: Funny and great guy to talk to.. Also, really loyal to friends and speak of loyalty.. Same as kok wei.. Superb guitarist.. Basically.. he's the same as Kok Wei.. really.. maybe i dunno him that well..
Shawn: Unba smart also.. Quiet but good and trustable friend.. dunno him much though.. but he's a joker at times.. good person to work with and serious about his work.. not sure about his special abilities though cos i really dunno him that much.. to that extent la..
Jeremy: A great friend.. good secret keeper.. able to comfort and speak into the hearts of people at times.. er.. dun really know what to say.. cos my brains cant think of anything to describe him.. anyways.. the stuff mention about him are his special abilities..
Maddie: A really good friend.. open and out-going.. fun to be with.. able to connect with people no matter how distant they may seem.. has an ability to draw people to him.. aha.. good friend.. though i cannot say i know him much.. aha..
Si Jie: Someone that i know recently.. quite cute.. and funny to be with.. a good friend.. a special ability that is the first i've seen in my life.. really a good one.. i shall not eleborate further.. becos i dun wan to spoiler. heh..
i shall stop here.. or else.. i'll jus list my whole class.. don't worry.. will lable more people tomorrow.. dun worry if ur name is not here.. no order of preference.. jus whoever i can think of.. i'll jus write..aha..
Zechariah (the other side): a person that is kinda useless.. not able to do anything.. not able to let go of things.. has ZERO confidence.. and is not capable of being a good friend.. has ZERO faith in the things that he does.. and cannot pride anything at all... often hurt and is in his own little world that no one knows... a complete loser to boot.. he.. is jus useless..
** end of rant **
no thoughts of the day.. cos i didn't think much and dun wan to stress my brain on thinking too much.. really.. aha.. nitez..

Second post?

2007-05-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

This is my second post i guess.. aha.. just forgot certain things.. i guess..

i can't believe i actually forgot how certain things felt until something happened earlier.. I guess being forgetful is a bad thing.. even though who have great memory will forget how some things feel.. some feelings are important and not meant to be forgotten.. once they are forgotten it may take a tragic or impactful thing to bring it back.. but by then, it's already too late.. can't believe it took me now to figure such things.. today have passed in a certain uneventful say.. i must say.. i'm ashamed of myself.. really.. today was meant to be eventful.. but i guess.. it became uneventful.. totally uneventful.. i'm so fking ashamed of myself.. fking ashamed that i should not be here.. i've been.. such.. a jerk unknowningly i guess.. remembering how these certain things feel.. i've realized how bad i've become.. sigh..

i'm a jerk.. an idiot.. a dumbass.. for forgetting such important things.. for becoming what i've become.. for taking so damn long.. to remember these feelings.. before they are actually too late.. i'm a total ass... for letting this day to be uneventful...

i.. am.. sry.. really.. sry...

Cake For You

It's is time.

1 more day.

Graduation!

UNKER WES!

fail mall. period.

A little trip~

It's 2:23AM and I need some enlightenment.

So. I'm still broke.

Umm. Ah... Need a damn job..

Day before Japan

minor update?

FIGURINES FOR SALE

Another update~

new year.. a little late..

New update?

Happy Birthday!! Well, Belated that is..

..

No title

No title...

Minor updates..

A small renuion

A post before going out..

Updates

Updates.

random shits.

Packing and Stuff

a mess.

dead. in the dead night.

utter uselessness

An early departure.. I suppose

After finishing my stuff..

Update~

Simple Reflections

Myself; Yourself - Something a little emo...

Time wasting.

Minor updates?

Been so long.

New Year!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Neglecting...

Broke?! Extension in list *stunned*

Anime Thoughts

Finally! I'm 18!!

BREAK!!

End of first week

Tired.. Really Tired..

2nd last day of holidays.

Towards the end of holidays..

After so long..

finally.. it's here.

It's been awhile..

Fragments of Memories

Memories of ___________?

Migrated.. Or rather.. Shifted..

BACK!!

Been awhile..

Tired.

Been so long..

Pathetic-ness..

Something's broken.. Something's missing..

New hair cut.

SCREEN PROBLEM

I'm sorry Arcueid.

No idea. What-so-ever...

Disappointed.. some people.. some things.. should have known..

hmm

Dual Screens. Projects. Room packing.

feelings. emotions. wad the heck.

Broke.

Sleep. sleep. SLEEP.

title-less...

damned emotions..

tired yet restless

reminiscence

random

tired

Maya.. And a whole lot more..

Starry Night

Life? Dreams? Kanon...

Broke?! Extension in list stunned